I HAD a conversation with a reader the other day who brought forward a topic that I hadn’t thought of before. He explained that he is not getting along with his neighbour and is afraid to step foot into his own yard due to resentment and fear of conflict as it is also affecting his family when he has these arguments. It’s a very serious issue to have as we are already uncomfortable in so many places, that it is an absolute shame when your own home becomes one. So, thank you for the suggestion and I will talk about the importance of neighbours (as there are many), why we should live well with them, as well as tips on how to better those relationships.

Now, I think it is obvious to say that having good neighbours brings many advantages. First of all, having lots of neighbours means you’re in a community – one that can look out for your best interests. It helps us to feel safer and more protected, knowing there are other eyes looking out for us. This can bring a genuine peace of mind as there is safety in numbers.

There is a Chinese proverb that says, ‘Neighbours are better than relatives that live far away.’ Close proximity allows for more time spent and an extra support system-for both small and big issues. Whether you need to borrow an egg, have a shoulder to cry on or start a community support group, a neighbour can always be there to help.

I love to have neighbours for a wide variety of reasons. Firstly, they keep an eye on my home and family when I’m not there. They enrich my social life based on proximity alone- plus, I can actually see when they are home! A friendly neighbourhood dynamic encourages you (and/or whoever you live with) to get out of the house, have some fun, or even meet new people.

Like I gave the example of borrowing an egg, neighbours can save you an impromptu trip to any store- once the requests are small and not very frequent. Neighbours can also be there to share mutual chores and responsibilities. For example, taking turns to take the garbage out, carpool (using the same car) to work or school, share a babysitter, and split the pay if you both have kids and both want to go out on one night. I don’t have pets, but I hear neighbours are also useful for looking after your pets when you are out of town.

If you are new to your neighbourhood, neighbours are also great for local knowledge around the community itself. Neighbours can provide joint ventures with anything from a business idea to a mutual garden. They can be good advisers and allow great business networking. Remember, your neighbours know people too! Also, we have all unfortunately seen sad things happening in many communities over the years and watched them all come together to fight for something they believe in. How can we do something so special without neighbours?

Finally, unless you move houses frequently or are planning to, neighbours can be lifelong friends.
Now, please remember that we get what we give so, are you a good neighbour? Yes, there are qualities to being a good neighbour. It requires selflessness, servitude, understanding, empathy, patience, and forgiveness. A good neighbour is friendly, quiet unless its positive celebration, respectful, helpful, and trustworthy. A bad neighbour is nosy, noisy, messy, and is always complaining.

Now, how specifically can we live well with our neighbours?
Be respectful- if you are going to do anything that may inconvenience them- anything at all, let them know. If it’s something positive such as a loud celebration, maybe even invite them. Put your garbage out on garbage day so they don’t have to deal with the sight or smell. I know some people burn garbage so do it on a day or time that is convenient for them as well. Keep your yard clean to not make their property look worse. Also, I think it’s more beneficial for you for your own yard to be clean and well maintained. Don’t park in their driveway or anywhere that blocks their cars. We all know what annoys all of us- just don’t do it!
Be generous – if you have it and they need it, give them. You will get it back in return.

Don’t overdo the borrowing -there is nothing more annoying than someone knocking on your door or gate for something every day.
Be kind and empathetic – Do you know if they are going through anything? Do you know if they are struggling to get anything done? Are you aware of any information that they may need? If so, give them!

Be willing to compromise – there will always be things to disagree on or with- small and large. Find a way and action that makes both parties comfortable and feel heard and respected.
Be apologetic – did you do something wrong and offended your neighbours? Apologise like you would with anyone else. As I said above, neighbours may be more beneficial than most.
Be forgiving – just like you will make a mistake and offend your neighbours – so will they as they are human too. Bring out your compassionate side and forgive.
Do not judge – your neighbours while physically close may be very far away in terms of lifestyle choices or structure.

Mind your own business – Unless you hear serious distress or are called upon, keep it to yourself.
Give them personal space – it’s nice to be friendly and smile every time you see them, but you don’t need to have a long-drawn-out conversation every time you see each other, unless both parties want to-and don’t feel offended if they don’t. Everyone has bad days and would like some quiet time.

Finally, handle conflict respectfully- Generally, if you have an issue with a neighbour, your first line of defence should be to try to resolve the problem with the person directly and face-to-face — not over text message or email, where messages can get misinterpreted. Work together toward a solution as there is always one.

Don’t know your neighbours? No problem- put yourself out there and organise a neighbourhood event. This could be anything from a game’s night to a clean-up community night. They will respect you for both reaching out caring.

Thanks for reading and please continue to send topics you’d like to discuss/ read about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com