NO one is immune to life’s stresses. It is difficult (almost impossible) to avoid stress so the key to well-being is to learn how to healthily deal with these stressors. Many people, mainly adolescents, choose to unhealthily cope with their stress- particularly through self – harm.

Self -Harm occurs when an individual deliberately causes harm to their self. It can be anything from cutting, burning or hitting oneself to an overuse of alcohol and illegal drugs. Many people use these measures for temporary relief but fail to see the long term consequences. It is often used as a physical distraction from emotional pain; where physical pain is used to mask what seems like unbearable, deep distress.
There is a temporary relief that comes along with it but that is suddenly overshadowed by emptiness and guilt.

Self-harm typically starts at about age 14. The problem is particularly common among females but males do suffer as well.

There are some signs one can look out for if they believe a loved one is self-harming.
The most obvious one is isolation- people who self-harm love to be alone. They spend most of their time in their own company and are easily irritated or angry if this is not possible. They may unusually cover up their skin- even in hot weather. They experience sudden mood changes -sometimes without any trigger. Their relationships are affected and suddenly strained – whether it be family, friends or partners. School and work performance will also be negatively affected as low motivation and loss of interest in any activity are common. There will be obvious changes in their eating and sleeping patterns which means there will be fatigue, unusual weight loss or weight gain. They may act abnormally insecure, displaying low self-esteem and self-neglect. This tends to lead to a change in appearance which differs with each individual. For example, some may make big changes such as dyeing their hair a bright colour or getting many new piercings while others may completely neglect even basic hygiene. There will also more often than not be a start or increase in alcohol/ drug use.

People who self-injure do not do so for attention as sadly, most do it in secret. It isn’t a suicide attempt but rather an unhealthy way of avoiding it. Although it is not considered a suicide attempt, people who self-harm are at much higher risk for suicide than people who do not. Although a personal choice, it tends to causes shame, guilt, low self-esteem and very often self-hatred. Self-harm itself can also become addictive and may seem like a compulsive behaviour that seems impossible to stop. However, there are a few things that we can do.

First and foremost, to stop yourself or your loved ones from self-harming, the reasons why one chooses to do it must be identified. You cannot fix something unless you know clearly what the problem is.

Recognise the triggers – is it because of anger, sadness, loneliness etc.? It is easier to identify this if a feelings journal is kept. Write down exactly how you feel in the moments before you self-harm. I completely understand that the thought of actually paying attention to your feelings is a frightening one. Many like to avoid or numb the pain but in life, there is nowhere out but through. It is almost impossible to deal with any emotion unless it’s confronted.

Additionally, once the trigger emotion is identified, you will know what to avoid to not elicit that emotion.

If you self- harm, keeping such a secret is difficult and lonely. Relief will come if you speak to someone who you feel is truly worthy. Without meaning to, you can hurt yourself very badly. It is easy for a wound to get infected or to misjudge the seriousness of the injury. If you feel like you cannot stop suddenly, this is also understandable. In the meantime, de-escalate your intensity of self-harm. For example, if your method is self-cutting, try to do it less and cut less deeply. Better yet- use substitutes. Many of us find it difficult to stop a behaviour unless it is replaced with something else. For example, those who cut themselves do it for the sting or to see the blood. I always recommend that they take a red marker (not a pen!) and dig it into their skin. It will still hurt and they will see red. For those who burn themselves, I recommend that they leave pieces of ice on their skin for a while – it does burn after a while but obviously nowhere near as dangerously. Others might find it helpful to keep a rubber band on their hands and snap it. These are effective substitutes to slowly stop yourself from self-harm. New and healthy coping skills will also need to be learned. This means to find things that promote relaxation to distract from the urge to self-harm. This can be sports, dancing, singing, painting- whatever works! It is of course also beneficial to get plenty of sleep and exercise as this releases positive endorphins. Finally, reach out for help, confide in those you love and trust. Hopefully, after that, it will be more comfortable speaking with a professional.

If you know someone who is self-harming and would like to confront and help them, there are a few important things to remember. Firstly, deal with your own emotions before the approach. I know you care for them which means you may feel sadness or anger but this isn’t about you. Confront in a helping, unemotional way. Educate yourself on the issue- this article is just a start. Read up on self-harm so you can understand why it’s happening. Do not judge! Self-harmers already judge and have negative feelings about themselves – they do not need this from their loved ones as well. Being supportive no matter what encourages healthy and open communication. Offer any support that they may need- don’t tell them what you think is best but rather recommend. They will want the right help when they are ready. Just be there when they are.

Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com
Suicide Prevention Helpline numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896

Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always