Be a man
I FIND myself in an extremely uncomfortable situation. I am single, never married and in my early 40s. I have some friends, a married couple, around whom I spend a decent amount of time. They aren’t my closest friends, but after my four or five best friends, they are probably on the next rung of the friendship ladder.
About three years ago, their (at the time) 19-year-old and exceedingly attractive daughter made a somewhat awkward but ultimately successful pass at me. We soon began a relationship, completely under the radar of our family, friends and social circle.
It started off as purely sexual, but evolved into what we both know is true love, despite the almost 20-year age difference. We are nuts about each other, and want to spend more time together, but if we do, we risk being found out.
We both detest the thought of having to reveal our relationship to her parents. They are pretty traditional, and I can just see them viewing this as some kind of betrayal on my part. They will most assuredly think it highly inappropriate, at the least. Opening up publicly is going to be possibly the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do.
We both agree we can’t keep this circumstance going, as is, indefinitely. We considered ending things but can’t stand the thought of never again being together. Plus, we would still be in the unfortunate position of having to still see each other.
I am at my wits’ end about how to approach this. I love her very much, but I have a sense of dread about how it might affect both of our relationships with her folks, if we reveal what has been going on.

Pete

Pete,
Three years into the relationship, you are still sneaking around like a teenager? It’s more than a matter of how her parents will feel: It’s how you feel. You’ve been the wolf in sheep’s clothing; the fox raiding the henhouse. You know your actions are not honourable.
If you do this to people who think you are their friend, it taints you in ways you don’t realise. It taints how you view others, and how you view yourself. This was supposed to be something good in your life, and you made it into something icky.
Neither of you can know how you actually feel when you have been living in a bubble of lies and secrecy. Neither of you has had a normal relationship: Out, visible, interacting with family and friends. Your connection has been deprived of that. The relationship itself is iffy.
But if you love her and she loves you, and you are thinking about a permanent relationship, the truth must come out. If it’s going to end, the truth still needs to come out, so she can reclaim this experience as part of her past.
Eventually, she will tell, and appealing to your selfish side, you may as well tell before her parents find out. It’ll make you less of a heel.
You’ve been in a relationship bereft of normalcy and honesty. Make an honest man of yourself; clean your plate for the new year; be a better friend to her parents than you have been. Grow up! Man-up and tell! That’s the path of the future!

Wayne & Tamara