Christmas is not meant to derail progress

This column is quite personal for me. I feel as though every time I seem to get on a good path- both physically and psychologically healthy- something comes along that interrupts my schedule and therefore tends to hinder my progression. While many look forward to Christmas and, I’m sure, expect this to be a happy Christmas column, mental health issues do not take a break during the holidays. Rather than excitement, many people struggle with various challenges during this time. I know that many feel this way- whether they have finally begun to eat healthily, lower alcohol consumption, limit smoking or monetary spending or cut out toxic people that you feel you now must see. Whatever it is, you can still achieve your goals and not let the holiday season derail you; there are always things we can do.

First, and most importantly, acknowledge how you feel. You may be worried that you will experience more stress and inconvenience than usual or that when you see certain people, they will tell you things that you do not want to hear etc. Whatever it is you are feeling, acknowledge it because the more you fight it, the longer you will feel it.

Start by taking control of your time and schedule. It really helps to write this all down. I call it visual progression and it’s extremely helpful. When you write things in a list, it makes it look more realistic and achievable. You make these goals as simple as possible. If they are large with many components, break them into smaller deliverables, again to avoid you becoming overwhelmed and for the goals themselves to seem more attainable. When you achieve one of the goals, physically scratch it off. This brings an acknowledgement of progression in the mind and increases motivation to continue to do complete items on the list; motivation mainly comes from seeing the benefits of what you are doing.

Be realistic in your expectations of what you can control and what cannot. Detailed planning can help with this.

Learn to recognise your triggers to prevent negative reactions or adapt to stressful circumstances. Learn to say no if you believe participating in an activity or seeing a particular person will derail any progress that you have made thus far; just because someone has expectations of you, it doesn’t mean you have to fulfill them. Changing your perspective in a more positive direction also helps. Instead of saying “I have to”, it’s now “I choose to.” This will make you feel more empowered and in control of many situations. When you can’t avoid, you can adapt; if something you MUST do rearranges your schedule, still find time for your goals as these should be your priorities- remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Doing this also helps with your adaptability and resilience skills.

Enjoy your freedom of choice; it’s okay to diverge a little bit. If you are trying to eat better or consume less alcohol, do not make everything completely off limits; that will make you want it more. However, whenever you do decide to indulge, make it completely worth your while- you will know where, when and what that is.

Dealing with and learning to ignore unsolicited advice is probably the most difficult for me. Now, I’m not talking about the justified, constructive criticism that comes from a trusted, well-intentioned soul. I’m talking about the aggravating and unexpected words that can turn a productive day into an unproductive one. I deal with this often. If it’s not about marriage, children, work or weight, there is always some kind of inappropriate and unwanted advice coming your way. I used to argue, insult, or try to prove them wrong, but I have adapted a much calmer approach- empathy and understanding. First, I acknowledge that people’s opinions come from their own expectation of what is right, wrong, or normal, but it absolutely doesn’t mean that it is any of the aforementioned. Also, when you realise that people’s opinions have absolutely nothing to do with you, you adapt elegance. People project their own insecurities or regrets on to you; sad but true. Most people who tell me I need to have children already are those that regret having them so young. Those who tell me I need to focus more on family than career are in unhappy marriages and wish they spent more time educating themselves. Do not let people’s projections derail you; make your internal validation more important than your external needs.
I know it sounds difficult to respond this way and while it can be hard to control the emotions these comments incite, you can control your responses. Emotional intelligence in action means mastering your internal and external composure. Internal composure occurs when you acknowledge a negative emotion you are experiencing, and external composure occurs when you manage your responses to the negative emotion. It takes practising but mastering it allows for a much better and more peaceful life.

Clearly state your boundaries- while you do not need to react to everything, state clearly what you are willing to do and what you are not. You and those around you must be aware of your limitations. Just because you have done something in the past does not mean that you want to continue to do it. Your priorities could have changed, and other responsibilities may have taken precedence, which is okay.

Another difficult thing for me during the holidays is taking time off. I know some of us internalise the feeling that leisure is wasteful, even if it doesn’t directly interfere with our goals. Leisure does not lack value, it revitalises us to have the time, patience, and mental stability to achieve all the above- enjoy it.

And finally, of course, eat, sleep and exercise well to keep up your serotonin and dopamine (happy hormones) levels. It goes without saying but will anyway, seek help if you need it; this can be either a trusted friend or family member or a trained professional.

Follow these simple guidelines and you may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.
Thank you all for reading. Please continue to send topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com.

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