THE words ‘peer-pressure’ are bandied about in our society as if young people do not have minds of their own, or as if their peers have more influence over them than their parents/carers. In some cases it is true, peers do influence each other more than parents, but that’s because children have so much more in common with their peers than they do with their parents. Children already know what their parents think of them, but as they get older (10 -18 year old) they are more concerned about how their peers view them and how they fit in socially.

When children are very young, maybe up to the age of 6-7, parents can more or less choose with whom they would like their children to be friends and even cajole their child into being friends with children whom they prefer. But as children grow they pick their own friends; these friends are likely to be children with whom they share similar interests and experiences; children, however, have been known on occasions to gravitate towards certain peers because they have strengths or weaknesses dissimilar to their own.

Although it is healthy and quite natural for children to identify with and compare themselves to their peers, parents are responsible for endowing a positive sense of ‘self’ and well-being in their children’s lives: so that they follow their own minds and stick to what they know to be right, especially when others might be doing wrong.

A child can be influenced by a peer that he/she admires, or by a peer group into which he/she would like to fit. Fitting in, having friends and being a valued member of a group are important aspects of childhood that children take very seriously. The way a child is perceived by school friends can either build confidence in a child or affect it in a negative way. Children need to bond with their peers and to be accepted by them; so much so that even the most obedient, level-headed child might be enticed by friends to behave, or do something quite out of character, just to remain in favour with that particular group.

Some parents may be horrified to think that this happens among children and in peer groups, but despite how attentive a parent may be, he/she cannot control every aspect of their child’s development; and the child’s growth among peers, is one area where parents cannot intercede.

The most a parent/carer can do is teach the correct morals, values and principles to their child: Remembering of course that the best way to get any message across is through a two-way conversation. They can talk about building healthy relationships with friends and enjoying a good school and social life. It is a parent’s duty to explain how a child should conduct his/her self when they are among peers. The parent/child relationship may not outweigh the peer/peer relationship, especially during adolescence, but the fact that parents have discussed this topic and shown an interest, will help. Therefore if an obedient child errs, or slips up once in a while (because no one is perfect), he or she cannot get led astray.

Children make friends with those who are either the same age as them, or in the same age range. This bonding is natural and necessary for a child’s social and emotional development. When children play or interact with each other, there’s a lot more going on in their minds than the average parent can imagine. To begin with their choices and behaviour is being influenced, so too is the way they dress, act and the attitude they portray. They really do not know any better and it is actually not a bad thing in some respects.

It is human nature for children to listen to and learn from others in their age group; and if the information they are receiving is positive and sound, it could be beneficial to their progression. Without being a follower or a leader, a children can discern from his/her peers how they would like to be, or even how they shouldn’t be. They can learn about the consequences of following the crowd and the benefits of standing their ground. Peer groups can help young people discover what they are good at and help them form ideas about what they would like to achieve in the future. All these are attributes that parents should teach, but unfortunately, many fail to do so.

As children grow and become more independent, their friends play a greater role in their lives, sometimes more than their families. Children will disclose and trust their contemporaries with information they would never dream of sharing with their parents. While peer- group relationships can be binding and can last a lifetime, they could never take the place of, or compensate for, the value and sanctity of a good child/parent relationship.

If you are concerned about a child you can ring the CPA hotline 227-0979 or email childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION