Dear Uncle Henry,
I need your advice on how to trust teenagers. But first I need another kind of advice. I am a single mother with a 15-year-old son. This boy has stopped studying and is liming with friends. He is hardly at home. When I talk to him he grumbles and walks away.
He is always saying he is going to live with his grandmother. I don’t want to lose him. I want him to change his ways. He is so stubborn.
Please tell me what to do. I’m so worried. I’m scared and afraid he will run away and take to the road.
Looking out for your reply.
Mabel Skeete

Dear Mabel,
Thank you for your letter. Your problem with your teenager boy is a common one. Teenage life poses great challenges to parents, especially single ones. Do not panic. It’s a passing phase. Teens are victims of their unsettled emotions. Most times they act on impulse. It is a very sensitive time. They tend to rebel and seek comfort in their friends. Never lose control and say, ‘’ Boy ah fed up, go find your father.’’ You must try hard to fill the gap of an absentee dad.

Try to avoid conflicts and confrontations. Develop patience and tolerance. Time is of essence. Force a smile. Ignore the rants and rages. Relate on a one-to-one basis but do not compromise your status as a parent.
Maintain discipline. Try to be strong. But flex at times. After all you’re dealing with an agitated human.

Let your home be his castle. Let him know he is the ‘man’ of the home and you depend on his service and protection. Reward him whenever possible. His welfare comes first. You owe him that. Have discussions. Help him to pursue his career. Guide him on the dangers and risks of a wayward life. Be his friend and confidant. Keep him within the bosom of your love but practice ‘tough love.‘

Be a role model. Be his hero. Work as a team. Above all maintain morality and righteousness. Do understand he is ‘green’ in life. Help to mould his attitude for life. Be inspirational. Do not compare him or strive for perfection. Recognise his values and self-determination. Over time a better life will emerge. Smile, ignore but never give up. Be a good mom but do not ‘spoil’ him.
UNCLE HENRY