Hello Everyone,
I hope this week has treated you well. I recently did an outreach with a major Government entity- one which each of us has to deal with at one point or another. The staff were very attentive and interactive but all became silent when the topics of verbal abuse and unkind words were brought up.

I can only assume their obvious discomfort portrayed guilt so today I would like to discuss the importance of words and the repercussions of unkind ones. This is also a personal piece for me as I have recently lost a dear friend of mine due to unkind words on my part. I’m hoping that in the process of shaping my readers opinions on the importance of words, that my own will be forgiven and never repeated. You know who you are -This one is for you.
We don’t think of it often as it comes so naturally to us but our words are the most powerful thing. Words can be weapons that carry enormous weight and impacts everyone around us- both negatively and positively. Words can give people the courage to overcome obstacles or the feelings of hopelessness to give up.

I believe the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words never hurt” is the most ridiculous statement and come back ever invented. In time, physical wounds heal and are forgotten. The same cannot be said for cruel and unkind words. These replay in our minds for decades to come and scar us for life. They create low self -esteem and self- confidence, high anxiety and stress levels, self- hatred, aggressive behaviour, sexual promiscuity, depressive symptoms and even suicidal thoughts.

Emotional abuse causes the victim to believe their abuser. They internalise these opinions and begin to see themselves through the eyes of their abuser. This is the worst part. Many studies show that if you berate a student before an exam, they will automatically do worse than students who weren’t made to feel like underachievers – even if their preparation was the same.
I want to make two things clear.

1. I love Guyana. I grew up here and this is my home. It is also home to the nicest people I’ve ever met. However, I have been fortunate enough to live in two other continents for long periods of time and I can say with full confidence, that Guyanese treat each other with such disrespect and say the most hateful things when upset. It’s actually not a normal thing around the world. Of course abuse happens everywhere and there is cruelty far worse globally- but in my personal experience- hell hath no fury like a Guyanese scorned.

2. This piece is not coming from a judgemental place as I too am extremely guilty of saying cruel words when I’m upset. I’ve lost or almost lost so many treasured people in my life due to this. Many things are to blame for this- my environment, the way I was raised or the company I chose to have. Recently, I’ve come to believe (or want to at least) that despite all those factors, I can generally be a nicer person. I now choose to motivate and uplift others rather than push them down. I will let those people in my life feel as special as they are and be their peace. I will speak every word to them as if it were my last and the intention is to leave fond memories. Can you do these things as well?

In our generation, cyber bullying has of course drastically increased but the harsh reality is that the cruel words that have a significant impact on us almost always come from those closest to us. Some justify it by calling it “tough love” but parents, friends, significant others, employers and others do not seem to understand that these harsh words are doing great harm. This method of reinforcement does not minimise problematic behaviour but instead aggravates it.

It is also important to remember that cruel words create a vicious cycle for everyone. Basically, cruelty breeds cruelty. I know that when my day is started with harsh words directed to me, it affects everyone else around me. My patience is thinner than usual, my tone of voice is harsher and I can be downright unapproachable. Sometimes I feel that it’s not exactly my fault- that I was pushed to that point. But wasn’t it my fault? Should I allow others to cause me to upset those I care about? Should any of us?

Can you think of a time that you have severely hurt someone with words? Well that’s okay- we all have at one point or another. Maya Angelou said “You did then what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better.” These few words allowed me to forgive myself for all my wrongdoings and to appreciate that I’m not the same person who said those things. As I have been saying- words are empowering and Angelou’s and my own have empowered me to make better and more positive life changes.

“It’s not what we say but how we say it”. I’m torn between loving and hating this saying. Furthermore, using the word hate is harsh, especially in a piece like this so I’m going to use the word dislike instead. Simple acknowledgements like that is how we make the world a better place- and I’m trying every day. As I was saying, I’m torn between this statement as your words do matter overall but I’ve also been told ‘nice to see you’ in a way that made me feel completely unwelcome and uncared for.

Overall, we can all be better. When we say we can’t, it basically just means we won’t. Everyone is capable, some with more effort than others, to take the high road. We have at our disposal a power that can change lives, make an ill spirit healthy, inspire success, provide guidance, improve relationships and create a lasting impression of us as kind and worthy people. That power is the power of words. Be the change.

Doing this is not easy- it is an overall life change. Frank Outlaw said it best – “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
The choice is yours. How will our words impact others?

Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com Or come in to see me at:

Georgetown Public Hospital: Psychiatric Department:
Monday- Friday – 8:00hrs- 12:00hrs

Woodlands Hospital: Outpatient Department
Drug and Alcohol group meetings – Mondays 4:15
Good mental health group meetings- Wednesdays 4:15

Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always!