The Widower
I started seeing a gentleman four months after his wife took her own life. He has two adult sons.
His youngest son and fiancée moved into his house shortly after we started dating. This was to help them out financially because they are both in college and have wedding plans. In fact, they will be married this weekend.
Initially my boyfriend showed no sign of affection in front of them, which I did not have a problem with. Now, eight months later, his oldest son and daughter-in-law are in town for the wedding. We went to dinner last night and honestly, I thought he would exhibit some sign of affection toward me. It wouldn’t matter if it was holding hands or sitting beside me. But there was nothing.
I have never felt so angry and hurt. Am I being unreasonable?

Trudy
Trudy, public expressions of affection say something about a person’s nature-demonstrative or not demonstrative, stoic or ebullient, introvert or extrovert. In public, your boyfriend may feel something akin to the unease of the boy who says: “Oh, mom, don’t do that to me in front of my friends.”
Simply being there says the two of you are in a relationship. Why do you feel he must demonstrate intimacy in front of his sons? Are you being territorial, like a schoolgirl? “He’s got to kiss me in front of everyone so they know he likes me.”
Are you asking him to show what he doesn’t feel, or show what he feels but can’t express? Are your feelings coming from you (it’s going on a year for gosh sakes, where’s my ring), or from him (I was lonely, I was on the rebound after my wife’s death). Are you his “break glass in case of emergency” woman, or does he feel “in four months I was open to this new love.”
It’s hard to get over a natural death in four months. Suicide is worse. If he wasn’t ready for a new relationship, he may feel he’s out with the maid, the cook, the laundress. How does it feel to you?
Work down the list of questions and decide on the best explanation.
Wayne & Tamara