I’M at a loss as to how to handle my son’s father. He isn’t the best person, and he has a history of emotional abuse towards his wife, but he has gotten better. In the past, I have had to do damage control with my son.

My son used to go to his father’s for birthdays or a dirt biking trip, but would text me throughout the visit. Now, at 12, he has no interest in seeing his father. I’ve tried to keep the relationship going, but I seem to be the only one.
I would imagine you would call your child or see him as much as possible if you didn’t live with him, even if your child shows no interest. But he has five kids, is married, works out-of-town during the week, and is busy.
My son has a wonderful stepfather who he has known all his life. He adores him, and calls him dad. Is this enough for him?
It kills me to see my son without a relationship with his birth father. He is the most amazing kid, and I don’t see how his father can’t see that.
Pat

Pat,
Your son has a great stepfather; a man who fills the role of father for him. That’s a template upon which he can build his life. There’s a huge difference between fathering a child and being a father. Your son understands the difference.
You have given him examples of both what a man should be, and what a man should not be. Why do you keep shoving him at the bad example? Do you think if he accepts his biological father, it will exonerate your judgment in having a child with him?
Eric Hoffer said, “It is not so much the example of others we imitate, as the reflection of ourselves in their eyes…” What your son sees in his birth father’s eyes is that he is a person of little consequence.

Wayne & Tamara