MY fiancé was raised in the south, and I was raised in the west. He’s a small-town country boy, and I’m a city girl. We met when I turned 18. Five years later, here we are, engaged.

I was raised strict as a young girl, told to respect my elders, and never mouth-off. For this reason, I grew up timid and scared of confrontation. My fiancé was raised with tight reins on his childhood as well.
After a year of dating, we moved in together to see if we could start a life together. When his mom first heard about me, she wasn’t pleased; she didn’t want her son to have anything to do with me. But when his parents split up, she moved in with us, and it put a huge strain on our relationship because she tried to control everything.
My fiancé is a “mama’s boy”. He hates being called that, but there’s no denying it. Naturally, he stuck up for his mom; told me she was going through a rough time; and once she moved out, everything would be okay. After she and his dad mended things, we didn’t see much of either of them for almost a year.
Fast forward two-and-a-half years: We are now engaged. Of course, being raised to respect my elders, I included his mom, my mom, both our dads, and my younger sister to help me with the wedding planning. Well, my mom is a bit timid herself when it comes to being around new people; she’s not much into the things girly women do.
His mom has all the ideas in the world, which is great. I’m glad someone wants to help, but she is constantly complaining to everyone how I don’t include her, or ever call her.
That’s the problem! If I call to see if she wants to help, she’s too busy. If I text to see what she thinks, she doesn’t respond. If I ask her to spend time on a project, she agrees, but doesn’t follow through.
Okay! It’s my wedding! I don’t mind doing these things, but she complains I don’t want her to be part of my life. My fiancé nags me to fix this, but when I try, it’s completely pointless!
I love this woman to death, but she’s going to drive me up a wall! Now she’s waging war about it all, which includes her, my future father-in-law, my fiancé, her cousin and myself. I hate conflict, but I don’t want to be run over.

Cyndi

CYNDI,
In Wayne’s high school yearbook, there is a picture of a boy sprawled flat on a track. Behind him is the hurdle he failed to clear; in front of him are the hurdles he has yet to face.
You, too, are stuck on the first hurdle. Other hurdles include where holidays will be spent, who visits who, when and for how long, and whether your mother-in-law will rule over your first child.
If you watch a TV programme like “Say Yes to the Dress”, you will see the more people a bride brings to the bridal shop, the less likely she is to get the dress she wants. Most people don’t help a bride make her decisions; they get caught up in, ‘If I was getting married, I would want…’
Your wedding isn’t democratic; it’s a dictatorship. You don’t realize that all you want is people around you while you make your decisions.
Typically in a hurdle race, there are a set number of hurdles, but you face a horrible panorama of endless hurdles. The problem isn’t the wedding; it’s how you are going to deal with this state of affairs, over and over again.
You have to learn how to defend yourself, and stand up for yourself, and your fiancé has to decide whether he wants to be mama’s boy or your husband.

Tamara