I AM of Indian descent, and come from a very good family background.  A boy from abroad has asked for my hand in marriage, and my parents accepted his offer.  We are expected to marry shortly. My parents say I will finally get to love this boy, but in my heart I know I never will.  I am madly in love with a boy no one knows about.  Our relationship is a secret.  I love only him and no one else, and if my parents found out, I would be in big, big trouble.
If I sat down and talked to my parents, they would explode, because they are old-fashioned people.  Wayne and Tamara, I love my parents as well as this boy no one knows about.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I don’t know who to please. 
The reason why I write to you is because I think only the two of you could help me.  I am 18 years of age, and my parents don’t want me to work, so I am still a minor.

Meena,
Whether one believes in arranged marriages or not, one thing is clear: Arranged marriage belongs more to the human past than the human future.
Slavery was a common feature of the ancient world, but it is an unusual one of the modern world.  In the same way, arranged marriage is becoming less common.  In marriage, as in other areas, things are moving toward more choice, more freedom, and greater self-determination.
Some people argue that arranged marriages are more successful than freely chosen ones, but it is not a fair comparison.  Arranged marriages are often enforced by the threat of expulsion from the family, the social group, and the culture.  How does a young person stand up against that?
To be put in this position in itself means you are now an adult woman, not a minor child; you must make a choice, and that choice, though difficult, will give you the solution.  But you must be willing and prepared to accept the consequences.
The first thing we suggest is don’t marry your boyfriend to prevent this forced marriage.  He may, or may not, be the right one for you.  Then decide whether being pushed into a marriage by your parents is an act of love on their part, or simply the desire to have their own way.  Finally, consider what it would mean for a woman to be intimate with a man she does not love. 
People are more than breeding stock, and going against your parents’ wishes doesn’t make you a bad child; it is not a reason to disown you, though that may happen.  You are simply a woman who needs time, and the freedom, to decide on her own future.

Flight delay
IT TOOK ME eight years after my husband died to try a relationship, and now I am thinking maybe I should never have tried.
Over a year ago, I met Jay.  I always felt we had the perfect relationship:  We like the same things, have the same type of personality, and talked things through when there was a misunderstanding.  A few days ago Jay came over, and after dinner, he said he doesn’t want to see me anymore.
The next day he left a phone message saying he knows we have a relationship most people spend a lifetime searching for.  He said he loves me, and still wants me in his life, but to think of this as a break from each other and not a breakup. 
I spent the last week crying and upset.  Do I sit around and wait for him to call, and if he does, start the relationship over?  Does this mean every time there is a difficult situation in his life, he will push me out of it?  Is there a chance there is more to this than he is saying?

Caitlin,
A relationship people spend a lifetime searching for is not a relationship one walks away from without giving a reason.  Jay broke up with you in a way which makes it easy on himself and hard on you.  Then he put you in a holding pattern while leaving all his options open.
As I waited for Tamara outside a shop today, I thought I saw a few falling leaves.  Then I realised they were not leaves, but Monarch butterflies. The Monarchs’ flight is a bit erratic anyway, and the wind blew them around like leaves. 
These butterflies are on their long migration from Canada to central Mexico.  The Monarchs know when it is time for their journey to begin, and that is why you started dating again.  It was time.  Like the Monarchs, your flight may be a little erratic before you reach your true destination.  Jay was just a little turbulence along the way.