Khan’s Chronicles
WIKILEAKS has not leaked it yet, but usually very reliable sources have told me that they have also hacked into Santa Claus’ e-mails, including requests for gifts to be delivered to some very needy people in Guyana.
Now, according to my sources, those here who e-mailed their requests to Santa have come up with some really tantalising gift ideas which they want the fat red man to deliver around Christmas Eve. Top of the list of gift ideas are massage services with VAT, the sources said.
That’s right. It seems that if the price is right, you can get a good massage with VAT (Value Added Treatment) right here in Georgetown.
When my sources shared this juicy bit of information with me, I recalled that on a visit to China in 2000, on my last night in Beijing, the phone in my hotel room rang as I was packing to check out early the next morning.
The female voice at the other end began talking about a `massahgee’ and I promptly told her I was not expecting any `message’.
She kept insisting that she could give me a good `massahgee’ as I kept politely informing her that I was not expecting a message until it dawned on me that she was offering her massage services to me. (You know how it goes when things get lost in translation.)
I politely advised her that I was not into `massahgeeing’ with her and she hung up in exasperation. I never got to find out whether she was offering massage with VAT.
I haven’t tried the massage services available here yet either, but, according to the Wikileaks leaks, local business seems to be picking up for Christmas.
Curious, I did some checking and found out that massage services offered are “body rubs” by “model types”, who can also provide “happy and enjoyable endings” to the massage.
Massages with enjoyable endings? Now, here I was thinking that a good massage was just that – a good massage of the muscles in the pressure points of the body that will leave you feeling relaxed and toned.
But it seems that Guyanese massaging has gone to new heights, following the trend of `happy ending’ massages overseas.
Intrigued about the local versions, I found out that the VAT massage can include body rubs with “hand jobs” or “girl friend type” experiences, with the prices varying according to the time you would want to spend to savour the massage delights.
A pleasant-sounding female at one service also told me that the “model type” escorts who go with the massage service are “slim, young and attractive”.
I persuaded my sources to give me a peek at the list of those down to receive these VAT massages from Santa for Christmas and they agreed on condition that I did not reveal the names to the public.
So, all that I can say now is that the list is made up of some grumpy old men known more for their lime-face bitterness on local TV and other media who seem to believe their job is to pour their bile on other people all year long.
All I want for Christmas is for Santa to deliver unto them those `model type escorts’ to give them the VAT massages in time for Christmas and hope that this makes them happy enough to spare us their sour tidings next year, and the year after, and the year after.
What a joy that would be.
Amen. Praise to the Most High.