I HAVE been married a dozen years and have four children. During our engagement, my husband and I got into an argument and broke up. He tells me I told him I cheated on him with another guy in college and was considering ending our relationship for the other man.

I’m thinking this is what I told him. Asked by a friend if I would consider dating this guy I was attracted to, I answered: “Yes, if I were not dating my fiancé.” I do not remember saying I would have ended our relationship, nor do I remember saying I cheated.

The truth is, I didn’t even know the other man. I answered a question my friend posed. I was 21, insecure, and flattered another man thought I was attractive. Regardless, I did not pursue him, and until recently, only knew his first name.

This has become a huge barrier in our marriage. We fight about it often, and it turns into ugly name calling. Recently, my husband said he felt so strongly about this because I told him myself. I have a hard time believing that, but he says: Why would we break up over nothing?

So, I asked my friend to contact this man, thinking my husband would believe him. My husband found out and got even madder, thinking I am trying to rekindle something which never existed.

How do I handle this? When I tell my husband I didn’t say those things, he says I am calling him a liar. Then I get flustered. He is an attorney, and when he asks leading questions, I feel like a bad girl being punished by her daddy.