ONCE again, we bring you more stories in light of World Suicide Prevention Day 2017.

RISK FACTORS FOR SUICIDE
Suicide can result from a wide range of individual, social, cultural and environmental factors- there is no single cause for suicide. Risk factors are characteristics that make individuals more likely to consider, attempt or commit suicide.
Guyana’s high rate stems from its risk factors. Guyana’s prominent social ills match closely with known risk factors for suicide. This correlation alone makes Guyana a likely candidate for highest world suicide rates.

The highest risk factor for a suicide attempt is a previous attempt. The second is having a mental disorder. Over 200,000 Guyanese suffer from a mental illness – a number that is no doubt rising.
An individual who uses drugs (especially alcohol) is approximately six times more likely to attempt suicide than someone who does not.

Those who are unemployed, feel discriminated against, hopeless, helpless or isolated are also more likely to feel suicidal. Those who experience abuse of any kind, the loss of a loved one, legal or financial difficulties are also at risk.
Other major risk factors include personal or family history of suicides, cultural/ religious beliefs that promote suicide, impulsive or aggressive tendencies, physical injury/illness, easy access to means of suicide and limited access to health care.

TESTIMONIALS
The testimonials below are from those who have thought about or attempted suicide but have thankfully survived and are hopeful for the future. They are the epitome of courage, strength and resilience.
The first individual has requested to remain anonymous:

“Domestic abuse is an invisible prison. I am a survivor, not a victim, after living with my abuser for over 17 years with its negative impact on my life, as well as my child.
I decided that I needed to end the relationship. It was one of the best decisions I ever made as I knew it was unhealthy on every level for me and my kid.

I can’t recall the first verbal abuse but I vividly recall the first physical abuse. It was a Thursday night when my abuser came home from work (we had no child at that time) and he was angry for reasons still unknown to me. He threw hot food on me and began hitting me on my head with the plate. I screamed and yelled. I attempted to leave the home but he begged for forgiveness and I accepted. This pattern continued even during pregnancy I was beaten with (mostly) brooms and my abuser had no remorse. I remember clearly he told one of his friends that “I just give her a good buss ass.”

I had a very complicated pregnancy so I became very fearful, with the only thought and prayer being for a safe delivery. I was very depressed after birth and my abuse continued daily – constant verbal, sexual, financial and periodically physical. My abuser had extra -marital affairs and consumed alcohol regularly.

After one Christmas Holiday, when my child was six years old, I became very suicidal and wrote a note that I was going to end my life. I packed up all my personal belongings and labelled everything – where and who should get what, etc. When my abuser came home that day, I give him the note and left both him and my daughter, who was in tears. I didn’t know how I was going to kill myself but I knew I was going to.

While walking on the road a friend who worked taxi saw me and questioned where I was going (I was wearing more or less rags). Somehow he persuaded me to get into his car and he took me by my cousin. All I remember about being there is that I drank some coffee and I wanted to know about my child. That same night I went home and my child was so happy to see me. I showered, played with her and went to bed. My abuser said nothing to me. The next day I decided that I must get some help (counselling from a Pastor). I did counselling and after I became an advocate for suicide prevention and started reaching out to persons (mostly women and youth) to help them. However, my own abuse continued.

One Sunday morning, in May 2011, the physical abuse was so intense- I was beaten so badly and had a cutlass placed to my throat – that I pleaded for my life while my child was crying for help. My abuser had us locked in the house. Eventually, he calmed down, called a friend and he left the house. I quickly changed the locks on the gate, reported the matter to the police and he was locked up for a short period of time.

The matter was before the courts and he begged and cried for us not to send him to jail. He was placed on bond for a year as I didn’t give testimony in court. I didn’t want the stigma that my child would suffer- a father in prison. I put him out of the house and did family counselling with my daughter. A few months after, he moved back into the home on the pretext that our daughter needs him (I was a fool).

Eventually, the abuse resurfaced. This time more verbal, financial, damaging personal property and the sexual abuse became intense. I cautioned that I will report the abuse to the police which allowed it to stop for a while and continue only periodically. Very early in this New Year (2017), he threatened to kill me and I knew then that I had to end this. I reported the matter to the police and the matter went to court yet again. He is no longer in my or my child’s life. The physical scars have ameliorated but the emotional scars are still with me. I have to live with them but I am trying to put them behind me and make a better life for us. To all, you don’t have to live in fear of abuse. I know that abuse (in any form) is complicated and it can lead to hopelessness, self-harm or depression.

Be thankful for everything that happens in your life; it’s all an experience. I had suicidal thoughts and I am thankful that I did not attempt. As I reflect on my life I am 110% certain that suicide is not and never is the answer to any problem/issue. Life has so many challenges but suicide is not the answer. I have so much to be thankful for. If I had committed suicide I wouldn’t have been able to be an integral part of my child’s life, like I am now. I wouldn’t have been able to overcome my abuse.

It takes courage to live each day, fully trusting that tomorrow is a fresh new one, filled with endless possibilities for happiness and success. I may not be where I want to be but I’m thankful for not being where I used to be. The gift in life is life itself. I sincerely hope that my story can make a difference in at least one life. Don’t live in fear … seek help!! This is coming from an advocate for suicide prevention and abuse.”
– Anonymous

In the following story, Leslyn Holder bravely shares her experiences:

“I was raped when I was just 14 years old. I then became pregnant and had to drop out of school. I thought my entire life was ruined. Then I had the baby; I would stare at the baby and felt nothing but anger and hopelessness. Just when I thought that was the worst – my baby boy died when he was only six months old. It was at this point my world turned upside down.

That was when my fight began. I made one disastrous mistake after another in trying to right the wrongs in my life. I was drinking heavily and living recklessly – I spent my days just wandering around aimlessly.

Feeling worthless, ashamed and disappointed in myself, I started having suicidal thoughts. The drinking got worse and decision-making became poorer. I ended up in a very abusive relationship at the age of 17. At the time, I thought it was what was best for me. But I didn’t respect myself, so I allowed my boyfriend to be disrespectful to me. What I now know is that in my mental state at the time, I was not in any way capable of having any form of relationship. I had masked my behaviour by pretending. I pretended all was well.

I hit rock bottom after my boyfriend beat me to the point of unconsciousness then left me in a showroom with the shower running. I woke up hours later and felt sick and hopeless. I made the decision that I don’t want to live anymore. The plan was to burn myself in the house but after considering others living in the apartment next door, I decided that I would ingest something. I searched for the rat poison we had bought but couldn’t find it. We had about two gallons of kerosene oil and I decided that this was it.

So I attempted to harm myself by ingesting more than half of the amount. Once again I passed out. My younger brother who was with me found me on the bedroom floor and dragged me to the toilet after I started to vomit. He went to tell the neighbours but no one came. My boyfriend had disappeared and after about three days I felt better. I did some serious thinking and decided to go home.
Within weeks I was drinking again – I couldn’t find peace with myself. I knew I was really heading for disaster. No matter how many friends I had, how many parties I attended and how many days I got drunk – something was missing.

I woke up one day and realised that my childhood dream of becoming a nurse was slipping away – that was like a knife in my gut! The next day, with stale alcohol on my breath I enrolled for evening classes. Not knowing how I was going to pay for it without a job, my suicidal thoughts were still lingering but I was determined to get my life back. I must do this for me, I told myself. With all the determination and will left in me, I found a job and started my evening classes to pay for my exams.

I’m now a Registered General Nurse with over 25 years of nursing experience and I currently work as a manager for a long-term care facility. I’ve lived overseas for a while where I worked and studied. My qualifications are aimed at Public Health in the capacity of Leadership and Management for Health and Social Care Services – Adult and Children.
I returned to Guyana to give service to the people of Guyana in whatever way I can. I have strong views about domestic violence, rape, teenage pregnancy, alcohol and other substance misuse. I am disturbed by the many social ills in underserved communities where children are deprived of their basic human rights and needs. I was once that child.

However, today my entire life has changed. I enjoy working as a Social Activist for Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Awareness. I am also the Founder of the “By Faith” Foundation for Hinterland Children; a non-profit charity organisation set up to assist children in rural Guyana to access formal education.

I published my first book in America in 2013. My book “Where the Rivers Run Deep” equips readers with the necessary arsenal in the form of values and virtues to overcome life’s seemingly, hopeless, ordeals. I wrote this book to try to inspire young people, especially young women. This book contains a cloud-burst of emotions ranging from love of family to the harrowing struggles braved in a desire to secure a haven and future for my children.