Dear Editor,
PLEASE allow me space in your newspaper to once again bring to you and your readership’s attention the escalating plight of children without faces. Jason (not his real name) age 15 has been missing since Sunday 21st May, 2017.
Life in the city is not easy, but then again, is life back in the village any easier?
As the public is becoming more educated about child abuse, human trafficking and protective intervention, many people all across Guyana and the Caribbean are perhaps reflecting on their own childhood days realising that they too were abused.

The abuse, whether it was physical, sexual, or emotional, would have appeared normal to them as children. Nobody talks about it, abuse was not part of our vocabulary back then. Some children even looked forward to the abuse and internalised it as affection from their abuser.
I recalled my early years practising as a psychotherapist here in Guyana, when I received an overseas call; the caller said that she was in her early 40s and had recently migrated to North America. She said had she not travelled abroad, her awareness would have gone unnoticed. The caller said it had never occurred to her that something was wrong with her 64-year-old mother until she had migrated, and can’t help the feelings that she (caller) and her father were living in hell and didn’t know it.

The caller cried out, poor daddy! All those years he was so loyal to mommy. She said the feelings were so strong that something was not right with her mother that she started looking for a therapist in Guyana. She related that she did not have to look too far, as there was only one listing in the local telephone directory. The caller made an appointment for her mother to come in.
Hilda (not her real name) arrived on time for her appointment; she was decked out in her “Sunday best.” Hilda insisted that nothing was wrong with her, claiming that her daughter was just worried about nothing, but since her daughter insisted, she kept her appointment. The first visit went well; Hilda completed paperwork and felt comfortable sharing light conversation.

It was on Hilda’s third visit that she began opening up. About 10 years earlier at the age of 54, while watching the Oprah Winfrey show on childhood sexual abuse, it was then and there that she (Hilda) made the discovery that what had happened to her had been a violation and a crime. In the past 10 years her life had gotten worst, feelings of guilt consumed her, and she blamed herself for the abuse but felt trapped because of the deep, convicted love that she still carried around for her dead abuser. Hilda said that life has not been easy, and described a feeling of being heavier and heavier with each passing year since watching that Oprah Winfrey show.

Hilda shared her experience of being sexually abused from the age of nine until her 16th birthday. The abuser was a close family member, a big man whom she fell in love with. “In the earlier years, it was painful when he penetrated me, but he was gentle and caring”. Hilda vividly described her abuser as tall, dark, and handsome and he smelled so good to this day she could still recognise the smell of Brut Cologne whenever a gentleman would pass by her wearing it. Hilda said she would go to the window just to see him hopping and skipping down the long dirt walkway dressed in his all-white suit, with matching white shoes and hat while whistling. “I would get so excited because he would always have a bag of hot peanuts in his pocket just for me along with his small jar of Vaseline.

I would look forward to those Saturday and Sunday morning treats of hot peanuts and breakfast.” She continued, “To this day I love peanuts — that’s the only memory I have of him now.” And when he was done with her, Hilda said he would lift her up and take her into the kitchen and sit her down on a chair or sometimes on the table and she would watch him make her the biggest breakfast while he was singing away.
I recalled the day when Hilda stood up tall with her back erect and chest up in the air and shook herself off from side to side. Then with a proud smile on her face she said now there I feel light, 50 years of dead weight gone! I sat there in my chair and literally watched a nine-year-old child go through Piaget’s stages of cognitive development. In a few short months, Hilda blossomed into a woman by meeting all her milestones, shading off decades of co-dependency, trapped in a cage that robbed her of her innocence, free at last! Hilda now had language to verbalise her innermost thoughts and feelings.

Hilda said she got married young to the first young man that noticed her and came calling, just to escape the big secret. She described how she compared her ex-husband who truly loved her to that of her childhood abuser; had she known what she knows now — that she had been abused as a child, her life would have been different and probably she would still be married. Hilda reported that her marriage ended because she was detached from her emotions, and did not enjoy sex, she just existed void of any expressions or responsiveness for those close to her, including her only child. She explained that her ex-husband did everything in the home including raising their only child. While she just quietly watched on with a smile and after their divorce he continued to care for her— running all her errands and taking her to church on Sundays and to her doctor’s appointments.

But Jason is missing.
By the end of three months, Hilda was going to the market on her own, calling a taxi for herself, deciding what meals she’ll prepare for the week, attended a prayer group meeting for the first time, and started tending to the plants in the yard again, for the first time on a weekly basis. She also reported that she started going to the beauty salon for the first time instead of her ex-husband buying that boxed hair dye.

The housekeeper went from three days a week to one day a week for doing laundry only. Hilda announced that she will be paying for her therapy sessions from here on with her allowance, had applied for a passport and planned to join her daughter who arranged a babysitting job in her newly soon-to- be-adopted land. A few months later, Hilda called to say thank you, as she was preparing to leave these shores.

The real thanks goes to Oprah Winfrey who stepped down from her superstar status, to touch the lives of millions of women and some men who were childhood victims of sexual abuse all over this planet earth. People from all walks of life, all ages, ethnicities, economic backgrounds, and religious persuasions who were sexually molested by a trusting adult family member can and should get help. I personally thank Oprah Winfrey for making my work so much easier and allowing Hilda to step out of the cage after being trapped in that emotional time capsule for more than five decades.

Regards
Ingrid Goodman
Executive Director
Patois Arts, Business & Professional Behavioural Services