SOMETIMES, close friends can become strangers—or, even worse, enemies. Because there is no outward way of discerning who is an enemy and who is an ally, people must rely on their own instincts and keep an eye out for consistently problematic behaviours. Indeed, enemies often reveal themselves through their actions. Manipulation, peer pressure, inflated confidence, a penchant for gossip, and dishonesty are all trademarks of toxic people. Too frequently, people fall into unhealthy, co-dependent friendships, and they do not know whether they should fix the relationship or walk away for good. Learning how to recognise and address these harmful behaviours can prevent a friendship from becoming unsalvageable.

Maintaining friendships is never easy in the best of times, but if someone feels as though their friend is actively deceiving, exploiting, belittling, or controlling them, they have one of two options: either remove themselves from the relationship or try to repair it. If they choose the former, it is important to be as gracious as possible; after all, former friends do not have to—and should not—become enemies. If they choose the latter, both parties must be willing to forgive, accept each other’s boundaries, and communicate more openly with one another. With this book, people will learn how to identify and confront toxic behaviours before they ruin a friendship.

1. What makes friends become enemies?

People do not set out to be enemies, but many things can happen that turn friends into foes. When friends become enemies, it often hurts because it reminds them of the enjoyable moments they shared together. They remember their days of laughter and sharing the same space.

Those who enjoy friendship know it has helped them many times deal with the stresses of life. Through friendship, people can share their problems and benefit from their friends’ wisdom.

Some friendships are so dynamic that friends can say whatever is on their minds without fear of insulting the other person. However, not all friends will accept an insult. Just one insult may be the end of some friendships.

Even when friends have grown to love and respect each other, some people still betray them. When those closest to you betray you, it often causes much internal pain. Many people do not expect their very dear friends to betray them, but it often happens.

Not everyone is happy with the wealth their friends have. So, one friend may steal from another, and that will cause them to become enemies. Some friends were very reliable at the beginning of a friendship, but as time progressed, they became unreliable, causing their friendship to drift apart.

Egos and narrow-mindedness have destroyed many friendships. Narrow-minded friends often see things from their own limited view and are not open to suggestions from others.

Willingness to rebuild a friendship with enemies

After friendships have been destroyed, it is important to rebuild them. People should not live as enemies for the rest of their lives. They must make efforts to reunite. It may take some time for the friendship to be restored, but it must start somewhere, and at the earliest opportunity.

Forgiveness is essential in helping enemies become friends. Each person must be willing to forgive those who wronged them.

Counselling may be necessary to help enemies become friends. When seeking counselling, people must look for unbiased mediators. Family members may not always be good mediators, since they may have biased views.

When enemies forgive each other and are prepared to rebuild their friendship, they must learn to respect each other. They must establish boundaries to help their friendship grow, since they do not want to destroy it again.

Honesty is essential in helping friends trust each other. They must have open and honest communication. While they communicate, they must speak the truth. Learning each other’s non-verbal communication will be important to help the friendship grow, as it helps them understand each other even when words are not spoken.

Going places together often strengthens friendships. Friends can plan a vacation together, so they get time to communicate. During that time, they can cry or laugh about different situations.

It is best to have more friends than enemies. When friends are reunited, efforts must be made to maintain the friendship and avoid becoming enemies again.

1. Have vacations together

Some friends who cherish their friendships will plan vacations together. This will allow them to go places together and to learn and laugh together.

With regular interaction, there is much they can learn from each other. When they are on vacation together, they can share many ideas. They have great opportunities to learn from each other.

Being on vacation allows them uninterrupted time together. Sometimes they will have opportunities to discuss their hurts. Some people are frustrated because they hardly have anyone to talk to, and they feel that no one will give them enough time to express their hurts.

Vacations do not always have to be long. They can be for just a few hours, as friends go to a place where they can be comfortable. Some friendships grow to the point where friends plan vacations and invite their immediate families. When families gather together, they learn from each other, and soon the friendship expands to include many like-minded people.

2. Visit each other

Growing the friendship will include visiting each other. For example, on the weekend, one friend may ask the other for permission to visit. On holidays, friends may also plan visits.

If friends live far apart, then they may not be able to have frequent visits. However, even if they meet only once per year, they must visit each other. Some things can be discussed over the phone, but other matters are better addressed face-to-face.

Building friendship requires sacrifice. Friends will have to give up some of their time to be with each other.

3. Play games together

Playing games together provides an opportunity for one person to learn about their friend’s sporting skills. Some friends are often confined to work and the home, so they may not have any sporting skills. However, they may develop skills with regular practice.

Those who practise and compete against their friends may be more comfortable letting their friends see their weaknesses than letting strangers see them. Friends who are skilled in certain sports may be patient enough to teach their friends to improve.

In some games, all friends may be on the same side as they compete against other teams. In others, friends will have to compete against each other. Whenever they finish playing–together or separately–they must commit to remaining friends afterwards. Unfortunately, some friendships end after competitive games because one person cannot accept defeat. Not everyone is willing to lose to someone they thought they would beat.

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