MANY of my columns recently have focused on how to have a healthy divorce and best co-parent to ensure a positive and healthy development for the child. I received a few emails about what parents can do that can keep them on a healthy path while also making sacrifices to better their families.

From what I have seen and heard, being a parent is the most difficult job and the most thankless.
Parenting is challenging in many ways and, therefore can become problematic if the parents do not have or are not maintaining good mental health. It is especially hard (and also common) if they are parenting with an existing mental health illness.

You may think your child’s mental health comes first and most of you prioritise it that way. However, there’s a famous analogy that comes from the first and simple rule we are told to do in the case of an emergency when in an aircraft. If something goes wrong, you must put your mask on before attending to anyone else in your care. This encompasses a valuable life lesson because if you do not take care of yourself, you will not be equipped to take care of anyone else effectively.

The truth is parents often feel isolated and unsupported in their struggles, even though many others are experiencing the same. It is not surprising, as nurturing is supposed to be your job. However, unless you make personal health the number one priority, your ill health will negatively affect your parenting either way.

If you are parenting with a mental health issue, there are a few things that you can do to make the process easier.
Firstly, do not be afraid to confide in your loved ones and ask for help. This includes your children if they are old enough to help with certain chores or any minor things that may make your life a little easier. This happens so often that children who care for or aid a parent with mental health difficulties are known and labelled as ‘young carers.

I’m aware of the difficulty of this due to stigma and your fear of others thinking you may be unfit to parent. This is disappointing as many parents with physical health issues are rarely questioned. On the contrary, they are praised for ‘managing it all’ while those with mental health issues are often stigmatised and not offered the same help and praise.
Mental health issues make everyday duties feel like challenges and there will be days when you cannot carry out your usual parenting responsibilities. Furthermore, this happens to every parent, not just those with mental health issues.

You can do things to manage or even prevent mental health issues.
As always, begin with the basics, such as maintaining a healthy diet and regular exercise. I know this is difficult if there is an existing illness, but you can find something that you enjoy doing as physical activity that increases your heart rate can be considered exercise. Develop self-help tools and healthy coping skills. What are you going to do if it’s a low day? Do you have any healthy relaxation go-to techniques?

Do not give up. Try different treatment options if you feel that a particular one isn’t working for you. It’s a rarity when an individual finds what most benefits them on the first attempt. This could pertain to types of medication, counselling sessions, etc. Explore as many aid options as you can.

Stay organised as many maintain good mental health through healthy and consistent routines. One is much more likely to stick to a schedule than randomly do what’s expected of you every day. For example, if you have a specific day and time set to exercise, you are more likely to succeed.

If you feel as though you are struggling with a mental illness, I would advise against hiding it from your family. The more you talk about it, the more understanding and comfort develop. It especially allows your children some clarity about how they can help and gives them freedom and relief to share their own struggles.

Why not start a support group with other parents in your community? Every parent struggles and listening to and sharing with others in similar situations may decrease your feelings of stress, denial, or guilt. You may also learn better strategies than the ones you are currently using.

I hope all parents commit to making their mental health a priority this week.
Please remember that with the right support and use of available resources, it is more than possible to be a great parent while managing a mental health illness.

Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com