THERE have been several stories in the international media where adults in positions of trust and power have used the same to sexually abuse children. Victims, both men and women, continue to come forward and speak out about the sexual abuse they had suffered when they were children at the hands of a celebrity, a coach, a teacher or a family member.

Some of the perpetrators — now in their 70s and 80s– may have thought they had gotten away with their heinous acts, but quite rightly, regardless of their ages, they are facing jail sentences in addition to the embarrassment and disgrace they have caused themselves and their families.

When victims of sexual abuse come forward to tell of the ordeals they endured as children, people (family members and acquaintances) are outraged. Some are outraged because of the act itself and the deceitfulness of the perpetrator; others are outraged by the fact that the child did not say or do anything to get help at the time of the ‘alleged’ abuse. Then there are those who want to berate the grown-up for speaking out at all, after so much time has passed; not forgetting the people who are always in denial and will ‘swear blind’ that nothing ever happened and the ‘events’ as they are now being revealed, are totally fabricated.

Sexual abuse is a personal crime that plays on the minds of victims in different ways. Some victims might develop a fast, wild and carefree persona, or even try to drown their sorrows with drugs, sex and alcohol; others might display one or several negative behavioural traits that others find strange or even annoying, but all actions are born out of an attempt to blot out the memory of the abuse. No one can see into the mind of a victim, or know of the trauma they relive through ‘flashbacks’: they might feel ‘dirty’ or ‘used’ and betrayed by the adults who were meant to protect them. Imagine being involuntarily carried back to the painful memory of abuse every time you see an innocent child, knowing that your innocence was whisked away from you by the actions of a selfish fiend. The list of probabilities goes on.

For these and other reasons, it is not surprising that victims firstly stay silent and then speak up when they do. Sometimes it takes decades for them to muster up the courage to tell their stories and when they do, along with their disclosures usually comes some form of relief and the beginning of healing; even more so if the perpetrator is charged, taken to court and eventually jailed for his/her crime.

Some adult victims have never reported or discussed their ‘sexual abuse’ with anyone. They have carried it around since childhood like a personal burden that they believe no one will understand or want to share. Men do this more than women, because of the stigma attached and for fear of being judged or even labelled by people who do not fully understand. There are families who have an open secret about past abuse: this means that family members are aware that it took place, but no one brings it out into the open, or talks about it. This way the family feels they are shielding ‘someone’ or even themselves from disgrace and shame.

However, for victims, getting over the trauma of sexual abuse can be almost like a ‘grieving process’, where each victim deals with the memory, the circumstances and sometimes the disclosing of their ordeals, in their own way and in their own time. Professional counsellors and those to whom victims choose to disclose, must show utmost confidentiality and should be trustworthy and understanding.

But whether victims speak out or keep their secrets to their graves, the fact remains: an adult took advantage of a child and the child, regardless of how complicit he/she may have appeared was, and is not to blame. It is the duty of all adults to protect children.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA helpline on 227 0709 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION