MY big sister and I arrived home late from a visit to the park. Mummy told us to be home by four ‘o’ clock and it was now minutes to five. It wasn’t my fault, Jenny, my 12- year-old sister was very popular, she got caught up with her friends and before we both realised, it was way past four.
I walked behind her from the front door as we entered the living room where mummy was sitting patiently holding a belt, as we came in, she pointed at the clock and said, ‘Read de time deh.’
Jenny nervously answered, ‘Ten minutes to five mummy’ My mother continued, ‘…And is wha’ time I tell you to reach home?’. ‘Four o clock’ Jenny replied. My mother got up and walked towards us, ‘Smell this leather’, she put the belt to our noses and made us smell the thick brown leather, ‘What I beating you for?’ she asked and we both replied nervously in our individual ways (anticipating the stinging lashes that were yet to reach our skin) ‘For coming home late mummy… Ow mummy I sorry mummy, no mummy don’t beat we…’ We pleaded, but it was too late, lashes began to rain down on both of us. Soon our arms and legs, back and belly stung with the lashes. No sooner had we soothed one lash when another one came down on an unsuspecting part of our skin.
I learnt early on during these beating sessions that it was better to make a lot of loud, crying noises and say ‘I sorry mummy’ as many times as possible, as soon as possible so the incident could be over faster. If you did anything like raise your hand to block a lash or try to prevent mummy from raising hers , that was tantamount to defiance and mummy would ask ‘You fighting me, you fighting me?… And if you ever dared to accept the ‘licks’ boldly without crying or bawling, mummy would say, ‘You playing a woman, you not crying? I gan beat you ‘til you cry.’ So this was our punishment for coming home late and did we ever come home late again? I can’t remember off-hand, but I would say that we did.
Let me just finish up on the ‘beating’ ritual. After a while of beating, mummy would say ‘pass and put your face in the corner’ and we would have to get past her to somewhere else in the house to put our faces in separate corners of a room: of course, as we ducked past her she’d put in one last lash on our backs or legs. I remember thinking, why doesn’t she just talk to us? Even at my tender age of eight, I knew that if she had just sat us down and explained things, I would understand and I wouldn’t do anything to deliberately upset her or make her worry. This was my reasoning as a child, it was plain and simple, I didn’t need ‘licks,’ I needed communication. I wonder how many children still suffer the same fate? A parent lacks the skill to communicate with their child on a level of mutual reasoning, understanding and acceptance and so relies on a belt to do the talking for them.
Some people say that beating a child is a form of discipline, but isn’t beating a child a form of punishment? Discipline is about training a child in the right way, showing them (usually by example) the correct way things should be: Communicating with them and nurturing them ,so they have an understanding of life and know that boundaries exist to guide them. Obviously, along the way children will make mistakes, have accidents, do wrong things and exhibit unacceptable behaviour, they need discipline, but many parents punish their children by beating them instead of disciplining them: but discipline is what you do ‘for a child’ and not what you do ‘to a child’.
It is time parents realise that there are several ways to reprimand children that doesn’t require beating them and in these modern times, communication is the key. Get to know your child and find levels of communication and understanding that will help you bond for life. Your child is precious, savour every moment of your time together. Make their childhoods memorable in a positive way.