Dear Wayne & Tamara,

I am 30 years old and engaged to the man of my dreams. I recently found out through my fiancé’s sister that their father, a leader in the church, has been cheating with numerous women. He has used the church’s mission in Honduras to find them and pay their tuition for college.
His computer includes pictures of women’s intimate parts, as well as his own, and texts going back years. All this from a man engaged in the church six days a week. After finding this out, we learned something similar happened when the children were young. It was hidden so the children could grow up with a father.

My fiancé’s mother recently kicked her husband out of the house and made my fiancé go through all texts, letters and images on his computer. Only weeks later, however, she started slowly bringing her husband back into the picture. She sent us gifts on Valentine’s Day with his name on the cards and tried to arrange family visits.

To say the least, I am furious. I find the father repulsive. I would never allow him to be around my future children. I like the mother, but am starting to build resentment towards her and her efforts to make my fiancé and I accept and condone this disgusting behaviour.

AMBER

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Dear Amber,
When someone’s clothes are on fire, the best thing they can do is stop, drop and roll. Stop running around, drop to the ground and roll the flames to extinction.

Your clothes may not be on fire, but your future is. If you marry your fiancé, you may be powerless to stop your father-in-law from being with your children.

His position as a church elder is a farce. His wife is an enabler. To preserve her status quo, she has been willing to sacrifice young women. She’s nice in things which don’t matter and an accomplice in things which do.

By trying to preserve a lifestyle and appearances, she has become a co-conspirator in her husband’s actions. Where is the action to permanently remove his ability to create more victims? Where is the concern for the victims he’s created?

Unless your fiancé is willing to quarantine his father, and perhaps his mother, your only option is to stop, drop and roll away from all this.

WAYNE & TAMARA