SHE stood on the wharf, one cold night in May, looking out at the dark river, hearing the crashing waves, like the tempo of drumbeats. A dusky beauty she was, but the deep sadness in her brown eyes, and the tears, portrayed a woman who had lost something precious in life. Her heart was crying like rivers flowing, the pain like the prick of a thousand thorns as she stood there by the riverside, cold and lonely, hugging the little girl by her side.

“Would I ever see you again, my sons?” she cried quietly. From a roadside bar, Bob Marley’s soulful lyrics flowed over the restless waters. “No woman, no cry”.
The boat captain shouted for all passengers to board, and she stepped into the boat, beginning her journey to a strange place, somewhere where an old friend awaited her. She looked back at the wharf as the boat pulled away, hoping to see her sons; hoping that it was all a mistake; that she wasn’t leaving. But no one was there. A cry from within her soul escaped her lips; her pain so deep, even the heavens seemed dark.
Fifteen years ago, she had left her father’s home as a young bride on a palanquin, happiness like a bud about to burst into a beautiful flower as she began a new life with the handsome young groom sitting by her side, holding her trembling hand. Fifteen years now lost in a desert land, for today, she was running away in the dark of night, a sleeping child in her arms, a sad and broken woman.
A farmer’s daughter she had been; a country girl, simple and innocent, like a mermaid of the river. It was there he had seen her from his small yacht, the short, thin dress clinging to her body. Late that afternoon, he had come to her humble home, a rich boy from the city, wanting to know her more. Not long after, he had asked for her hand in marriage, the girl of his dreams.
In her young mind, it was a dream, like a fairytale, his love, the beautiful words, like flowers plucked from a garden, and she had said ‘yes’. She had given her love, pure as the raindrops, to the handsome young stranger, and his promises to love and care for her she had kept tied to her heart.
He had kept his word, and after one year, she had felt like she was still living a dream. She became a mother; a new phase in her life, the joy and blessings of motherhood.
But a change, like thorns of a rose, began slowly, months after the baby was born, each prick drawing droplets of blood. She couldn’t understand how or why it happened, his possessiveness making her feel like she was walking in his shadow; his restrictions to her social life; his anger and aggression.
She tried to talk to him, to understand this change, wanting to know if she had done any wrong, but dialogue was rejected; compromise not entertained. And as his business and wealth grew, so did his dominance and arrogance. She couldn’t understand the change, not from anyone nor God; not a whisper. Until his good friend told her it wasn’t a change; it was who he was, only, she never noticed until he stopped hiding behind another man’s personality.
She had felt trapped and helpless, for, with his money, social standing and influence, he was a power unto himself; something she and her poor family couldn’t counteract. She now had to live to survive, for her children were her life, and she couldn’t live apart from them. Like shattered glass, her dream broke, and nightmare, cloaked in black, took the reins of her life.
One day it would be insults and beatings, then next day flowers. He gifted her with diamonds and designer clothes for the world to see, but the diamonds didn’t feel like her best friend, and the clothes didn’t make her feel special.
The years went by, and she continued to be the good wife to her husband; a wonderful mother to her three children, her love for them all the reason she stayed. So, she forgave the insults, excused the beatings, and accepted the flowers.
She lived with the hope that one day she will find a way out, but not without her children. One morning as she laid the table for breakfast, her elder son came down, a troubled look on his face. She knew he had heard his father abusing her last night. It was not the first time, but he was now sixteen, a young man, and he could now speak on the issue of her tormented life.
“Mom, I think you should go,” he said softly.
“What?” she looked up from what she was doing.
He looked at her, the bruises on her neck and arms, the cut on her lip. “How long would you live life like this?”
She didn’t answer. Lips quivering, she tried not to cry.
“I know you have stayed and tolerated it because of us,” her son said, “but Arvind and I are now big boys; we can take care of ourselves. Take Ashani and go away somewhere far.”
“I can’t! How can I live without my sons?”
He didn’t answer for a while, choking back the tears. “We’ll always be here for you, mom, but if you stay, he can kill you one day. I don’t want to lose you; please don’t stay here, Arvind and I will stay, so he won’t have three reasons to hunt you down. We will find you one day, to be in your life again, rather than having to take flowers to your grave.”
She hadn’t heeded her son’s plea, not knowing how to leave them, where to go. But one night, three months after that morning, her husband almost killed her in one of his rages, and seeing the terrified look in her son’s eyes, she knew how right he was. They would always be there for her, and one day, they would come for their mother.
As the boat sped through the rough waters, in her mind she put her hand to her heart and untied the knot, letting loose the false promises into the wind. She closed her eyes, not sure of the new life that awaited her, destiny forging a new path for her, love having lost its way.
Would it ever find her again? A question only fate would be able to answer.