THE murder of Maryanne Nauth in a city hotel is another grizzly tale in the chapter of fear and intimidation which concludes in the morbid finality of murder of our women.

It is a sad picture of our landscape where some men believe that they own women. That a woman is “his property” to do as he pleases, hence he uses his charm and wit to woo the silly woman down a path of no return when he does not get his way with her. It is all about him, what he wants and how he wants it and whenever those “desires” are not fulfilled by the woman he lashes out in the most primitive of ways and savagely kills. As I said in the preceding sentences, this is not all hate and violence it is a love with an aggressive element to it, that subtlety sucks the woman into his web, she being mistaken by the periodic violent aggression for love. “He really loves me so he beats me,” that kind of “love” with a controlling, violent side to which some women fall victim.
From time to time I talk to women in abusive relationships and it amazes me the answers I get. These women always give the “good and tender” side of the guy’s testimonials like he is nice to the kids, he plays with them, he comes to see them, and so on failing to take into consideration if he’s so nice to the kids then why beat up on the mother of those kids. Many of these so called “nice” men are being savagely brutal to her in the presence of those same kids, thus poisoning the next generation. The boys being brought up into believing that it is all well and good for him to beat his spouse into subjection and the girl thinking that it is “normal” for a woman to get licks sometimes.
When it comes to his love-making many of these women are what you will say all praises for the abusive man. In fact, this is one of the high points for these women not wanting to end the relationship or at least have him brought to justice. She simply wants him around irrespective of the brutality. As one woman remarked, she loves the aggression in a man; it makes her feel that she has a real man in her life. Well I am not so sure of that “real man” scenario because real men do not beat or abuse their spouses, cowards do and in the case I’ve mentioned her “maniac” eventually killed her after one of those sound thrashings.
This is the reality of this complex situation. So abusers, as it were, get away with murder. That is why in Maryanne’s case she was so eager to go see this abuser even disregarding the pleas to end the relationship. It is as if these women are helpless when it comes to her abusers’ demands.
It is for this reason that we in the conflict resolution school advise these women to use all the resources available to them. Take out a restraining order at the outset of his abuse or at least make reports and let the courts deal with him. He is not above the law that is there to protect you so make use of it. The relatives in Maryanne’s are now speaking out of the abusive ways of her mate. But what did they or the now dead woman do when he  exhibited that violent behaviour? Did they report the matter? Did she follow it up in court?
I close by saying to our women: when these low-life cowards mete out violence to you, he is dead serious about it and so should you be dead serious about putting him where he belongs.