I HAVE been in a relationship for two years, my first relationship after my divorce. On our first date, she brought a home movie of herself with her ex-husband. Later, she decided to change jobs and go into the same field as her ‘ex’. So I helped her study for her licensing exam. As she was learning the business, she would call her ‘ex’ several times a week for advice. Then she went to work for a company her ‘ex’ was fired from.
At one point, she brought her ex-husband in on a sales call out of town. They didn’t ride together to the meeting, but they didn’t sell anything either. She didn’t get home until 01:30am, but she told me about it, so it’s not like she tried to hide anything.
As time went on, she wasn’t making that much money, and decided to look for a different company. Her ex-husband had started his own company and wanted her to go work for him. We talked it over, and she said she would be making a lot more money and could do most of her work from home.
Needless to say, she isn’t making more money, and she does all her office work at his office. You have to know this guy to believe him. He came over at Christmas to bring their daughters home, and just came in the house, walked around, and talked to everyone except me. No invitation or anything.
We are now separated, and trying to work things out. I ask questions, and she doesn’t like the questions I ask. She says I am controlling, and my jealousy is destroying us. Now she has moved in with her sister, and our communication is less and less. Am I being controlling or just concerned?
Andy

Andy,
The best way to deflect blame is to blame the other person. That’s why she says you are controlling and jealous. Whatever caused their divorce doesn’t matter; she still wants him.
And you still want her. Why? Because human beings are reluctant to accept a loss; that’s why people hold on to bad stocks and bad relationships. Once you see it’s easier to accept a failure than hold on to it, you can let her go.