The end
BEING very close friends with someone of the opposite sex can be difficult. There is a girl I consider my closest friend in the world. Over the last three years, we have gotten to spend a lot of time together, and had our ups and downs. Last year, I admitted I had feelings for her. Unfortunately, she didn’t feel the same way. We managed to work through it, and now she’s been in a relationship with a guy for a few months. I have been very supportive of that relationship, and she and I are comfortable where we are as friends.
What I don’t understand, however, is why she gets mad at me if people see us out in public and assume we are dating. I tell her it doesn’t matter what others think; as long as we know what we are and aren’t, that’s all that should matter.
But she doesn’t feel that way. If someone assumes we are in a relationship, it really bothers her. However, it’s not my fault what other people think, especially when I’m not the one spreading false rumours. I don’t think I need to go up to everyone and tell them we aren’t dating.
Instead of my friend and I laughing it off, this causes arguments between us. I care for her very much, but I can’t put up with this anymore. What do you think the problem is?
Jerry

Jerry,
How can she believe you want her to have a successful relationship with someone else, when you wanted a relationship with her? You destroyed the fantasy that you were just friends, and she finds it offensive anyone should think she is dating you.
Whatever factors trigger a woman to respond to a man as a male are not present for her with you. When you wanted to go from longtime friend to lover, you should have first asked yourself one question: Does she treat me like a man, or like a girlfriend and one of her confidantes? That’s a harsh question, but it explains why she rejected you.
Maybe she is uncomfortable because you like her in a way she doesn’t want you to. Maybe she is afraid of what her boyfriend might think. Maybe she wants others to see her with a different type of man. Maybe, if you examine your feelings more closely, you will realize you became friends with her because you wanted more.
Telling her you liked her ruined the relationship. Once you told her, the relationship was either going forward, or it was going to end.
Wayne & Tamara