I HAVE fallen in love with this amazing guy who just so happens to be my dance partner, who just so happens to be my best friend. Yeah! We met when we were put in the same dance class a year ago. There was a mishap, and we accidently got partnered to choreograph and perform a steamy, romantic duet which turned out amazing. The chemistry between us was insane and instant.
In no time at all, we were close friends, and now he’s my best friend. We talk about everything; I’m lost without him. I didn’t realize how much I loved him until the night of our first public dance performance; I thought we were just close friends who danced together and liked to goof off.
It wasn’t that. As soon as we were onstage and I looked into his eyes, I’m not sure what it was, but what I saw and what I felt in that moment nearly made me pass out. Ever since, nearly a year, I’ve been completely and hopelessly in love.
He doesn’t know. Sure, we hang out a lot and flirt constantly. There’ve been countless “moments” we’ve had together, but never anything really romantic, other than when we are dancing. I never told him how much he means to me.
I don’t know; maybe he knows I kind of like him, but doesn’t know I love him more than life itself. I don’t want to tell him; I don’t want to risk ruining what we have now, but every time I see him, I die a little inside, knowing what I feel, and knowing he doesn’t know.
Misty

Misty,
You haven’t given us any indication of your dance partner’s sexuality. You’ve said you are best friends, but you haven’t said he is dating anyone else. There are two obvious explanations: One, he’s gay. Some gay men bring a kind of witticism in pretending to the male role. If that’s true, you are taking the look he gives you onstage as more than a performance. But it’s not an intimate private moment between the two of you; it’s a public show; it’s an act. It’s a steamy dance routine; nothing more.
Under Scenario One, you fell in love with the part he is portraying; you fell in love with what he is giving the audience. He not only convinced them, he convinced you. Think Neil Patrick Harris, the actor who portrays a womanizer on TV, but who is in fact gay.
Scenario Two: There is no boy/girl connection on his side; your feelings are so extreme, if there was a two-way connection, don’t you think most males would sense it? Could you be dying with love while he is clueless?
You’re afraid to broach the subject. Why? Because you fear rejection. Think it through: What are your options, once rejected? Either you will be angry, or you will stand back and watch your self-esteem crumble.
With how over-the-top in love you are, you will want to know why, but that is seeking an answer to an impossible question. The “why don’t you love me” question is a question no one can answer.
Why don’t you love the guy next door? Why don’t you love the waiter at the restaurant? The answer is because you don’t. That’s all. There is no why; you just don’t love them.
Being unable to accept “just because” as the answer can lead you down the path of I-can-change-his-mind. But you can’t become someone who someone else loves.
If you had a list of what it takes to fall in love with you, you could give that list to any man and he would find you irresistible. Many relationship books are based on that premise, but it is false. Love is not a manufactured product, though many claim they can manufacture love… Just as many claim you can lose weight without dieting.
Wayne & Tamara