The lie  
I AM writing this after my girlfriend came through the room going to the bathroom after a two-hour nap. I was on my couch surfing sites with hot men. I have been dating my girlfriend for three years, yet I know I am gay.
I like show tunes; I am not all that into sports, and most importantly, I am attracted to men. I was the odd kid out at school that tried to fit in with the popular crowd. I bought all the right clothes; got into the coolest ‘frat’ in college; and hung out with people based on social class, simply for acceptance and to know what it is like to live a “normal” life.
I don’t know how to live my life any other way, especially at 27, when all major decisions in life should have been figured out. I don’t want an alternative lifestyle; I just want to be married and have kids and make my parents happy.
Right now, my girlfriend is head-over-heels in love with me, and waiting for a ring within the year. I know if I break up with her, that is the last chance I will ever have at a normal lifestyle.  
I am great at fooling everyone: I date an incredibly beautiful woman, and I am on top of the world. Everyone is envious of me, and every conversation topic is how cute we are together. I could be getting this the rest of my life and never have to hurt anyone. I strongly consider leading an uncomfortable dishonest life, so that everyone around me is happy and gets what they dreamed of.
I can never “come out” of the closet; I am not strong enough for that, and am not the type of person who would be loud and proud. I would be weak and humiliated. I don’t want stares for the rest of my life; I don’t want to be labeled “the gay guy” to every person I meet. I don’t suddenly want to be the gossip on Facebook: “Guess who’s gay!!”
I am in a black hole right now; I know nobody else going through what I am going through, and I feel alone: Utterly alone. I need a hand to hold, and somebody to talk to.

Jake

Jake,
It doesn’t matter what we wish we were: All of us wish we were something a little different from what we are. The wish isn’t the problem until we take other people, innocent people, down the road of our wish.
You’ve knocked your girlfriend off her path; you’ve taken choices away from her and reserved them to yourself. You aren’t hiding your sexuality for her sake or the sake of your parents and friends: You are doing it for yourself. You don’t want to take what you consider a social step down.
You are great at fooling everyone, but as you get older, how are you going to maintain this fake life? Will it end? When you are caught toe-tapping in an airport bathroom? When your wife discovers you with another man? When you meet your one?
It is not a matter of if you tell, but when. You are about to take a momentous step over the boundary of your lie. How fair is that to those around you? They think they are involved in the truth, and they are not.
Like everyone else, you have a right to be who you are. Inevitably, you will feel compelled to have your life your way, because when we lie, we lose ourselves, and ultimately, that is unsustainable.
There are groups, organizations and counsellors who can help you live an authentic life. Network; search the Internet; start at a level at which you are comfortable. Don’t delay the beginning of your real life; save your girlfriend’s life, and save your own.

Wayne & Tamara