Semper Fidelis
I WAS caught with explicit text messages and photos on my phone from another woman. I have been with my wife three years, and I love her.
After seeing how bad I hurt her, I understand I don’t deserve her love ever again.  She says she still loves me, but doesn’t know how we can make it work.
At the time, I didn’t think the text messages were all that bad, but when I look at it from her point of view, it is the same as cheating.
I never imagined I would be in this situation. We have been through two arduous military deployments. In both of them, I had multiple opportunities to cheat, but at the first hint of anything, I rejected them because I knew how much she meant to me.
I love this woman, and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I don’t know if she wants to spend it with me. I don’t expect you to write kind things about me; I just want to know if there is any chance
I can save the marriage from my infidelity.
Eric

Eric,
It is not a defense to say you had opportunities and didn’t take advantage of them. That suggests you considered it.
You love your country, but are you tempted to go to another country and fight for them? What part of marriage do you not understand? You don’t get to talk to women as if you want to date them or sleep with them.
When you chatted up another woman, you knew you were leading her on, and being disloyal to your wife. As a military man, you should understand loyalty, duty and honour.
Man-up, and know it is her choice! She may not be able to get past this, because, by your conduct, you have brought your loyalty into question.
Wayne & Tamara

Growing pains
I am a vibrant, loving, Christian woman who spent the last 25 years married to a man who is so codependent on his family of origin, it finally caused the demise of our marriage.
We (my adult daughter and I) were informed of his decision to divorce while in the midst of a downstairs renovation. We had gutted the ground floor, and the only walls remaining were the ones attached to the stairs. All three of us worked on this project, along with a professional contractor.
My husband fired the contractor and left us with electrical work undone, and the flooring stripped to the subfloor. Then he moved in with a woman, who also has an adult daughter.
I was a naval officer’s wife; my spouse was rarely home; and I spent most of the time in my marriage without him. My husband met with counsellors in order to fix our issues, but the problem always seemed to be I was “too independent.” It was me who was the problem.
I’m not saying I am innocent; on the contrary, if I could change some things, I sure would. But the fact is, the cause of the divorce is and always will be his family problems.
He left me because of baggage he carried into our marriage. Though many, many Christian brothers reached out to him, my ‘ex’ would not return to our beliefs, and the divorce proceedings snowballed out of control.
The problem is he can’t see he is a pawn of his family history. How do you stop family dysfunction when those living in it think it’s normal? And how you show love?
Norma

Norma,
The early years make us who we are. Their effect is difficult if not impossible to change, especially when the change is not wanted by him, but by you.

Discovering faults in others is the easiest thing in the world. The hardest thing is discovering our own faults and fixing them.
Wayne & Tamara