I AM a new freshman in college. I left for college a week and a half ago, and my girlfriend hasn’t yet left for her college. Leaving her was the most painful experience of my life. We always planned on trying other people, but we both wanted to stay together after college.

I found out from her friend that two days after I left, she went on a date with another guy and kissed him goodbye. Two days later, she made out with a different guy. I was crushed. I confronted her over the phone, and she sobbed and apologised.

She told me the guys didn’t mean anything to her, and she only loves me. She said she did it in order to see what other guys are like, because we were each other’s first lover. She is not a slutty person at all, and she wasn’t drinking when she did this.

I get the feeling she is pushing me away, but she convinces me she really wants me in her life. It may be a cliché, but I don’t think I could ever find another girl like her. Help!
Brannon

Brannon,
People remember the first thing they do, and the last thing they do, while things in the middle tend to be forgotten. This is known as the serial position effect.

For you, your girlfriend is both your first serious relationship and your last. For her, you are the first, but another man is her last. She has two competing things in mind: You and the latest available male.

If she feels a need to compare you to others; it means she isn’t satisfied with what she has. If she were, she wouldn’t be looking. First things may have unusual power, but just because something is first, it does not mean it is always best or even right.

The first draft of a term paper isn’t the one you turn in, and it isn’t the one you want your grade based on. Often, what comes later will be better. That can be painful, but as Sookie Stackhouse says, “Sometimes, you just have to regret things and move on.”
Wayne & Tamara

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MY FIANCÉ and I got engaged a year ago. I work fulltime, but he works as much as 12 hours a day, six days a week, since he takes clients when they are available. We planned to hold the ceremony next year, but I’m having trouble with him lying and not being considerate of my feelings.

Twice on Fridays, he called saying he would be home around 9pm because of a meeting. At 10, I called and called, but couldn’t reach him. Finally, around 12:30am, he arrived home saying he had drinks with the guys. He claimed he didn’t call because I would have been upset.

Last week he asked if he could go to his co-worker’s bachelor party. I asked where, and he said Montreal. I was taken aback, because we live in New York, and this is not someone I know. I was uncomfortable, so he said he would cancel.

Flash forward one week, and he went anyway. He stated he needed to pay for the hotel because they had booked it for him. I asked why didn’t he tell them he couldn’t go, and he said he didn’t have time.

We argued that night, and haven’t spoken since. I remember him saying at the end: “Your feelings this and that!”
Amanda

Amanda,
In Greek mythology, Apollo gave Cassandra the gift of prophecy, but when she refused his advances, Apollo took away her ability to persuade others. Consequently, Cassandra knew the future, but no one would believe her.

Like Cassandra, you’ve glimpsed the future, but can you convince yourself your vision is accurate? If your relationship is this way while it is fresh and new, why won’t it be more so when you marry?
Wayne & Tamara