Lend and have an ear

I have focused on suicide, both facts and testimonials, over the last few weeks as a tribute to World Suicide Prevention Day and World Mental Health Day – both of which were in the last two to three weeks.
Today I would like to focus on one of the most preventative measures for suicide: having someone to talk to as well as listening to others. Simply being there for someone can actually save a life.

Deciding who to talk to is important. I don’t believe you should talk to any and every one. It should be someone that you trust, someone who has your best interest at heart.
When you tell someone how you feel, it brings your thoughts to life and creates a clarity which opens doors for many possible solutions. It releases stress and the burden of carrying something around all on your own. Talking to an objective party (someone outside the situation) will result in fair advice. Loneliness is painful and you’re bound to feel lonely if you chose to confide in no one. Everyone feels loved, respected and appreciated when they feel others are listening to them.

Now, on the other hand, if all you do is talk, then you block opportunities to both expand your own knowledge and the chance to be there for someone else. We are very lucky when we are let into other people’s lives. When people chose to confide in us specifically – it’s an honour that should not be taken for granted- not a lot of people would hear what you just did or would have a chance to help this particular person.

Most importantly, sharing your feelings as well as listening will help you to understand that you are not alone. The other person may not have been through a similar situation but most likely has felt the same way at one point or another.
I have always believed that one of the most important things is to simply listen to what others have to say. Most of the time, people do not even need or want advice, they just want to vent to someone who is actually listening.

Below, Diane Mekdeci shares her view on the importance of this:
“A few years ago my friend and I went to a fete. At some point during the night, I fell flat on my face – thanks to my friend, though she denies it to this day. Anyway, I had the mother of all bruises on my cheek and a semi-black eye. I went to work as usual but what I saw as a simple bruised face from an amazing fete had many others – mostly women – assuming I’d been abused. For some reason, I found this development interesting. When people asked what happened, I told them and received “yeah right” looks in response.

When I went to buy lunch at McDonalds the cashier -who I knew from seeing her around the store – pulled me to the side and said “You don’t need to lie to me, if you’re in trouble I’d be willing to help. You should never let someone hurt you like this.” I REALLY had to work to convince her it was a party injury. I guess it was my ignorance regarding abusive situations that led to my surprise at people’s reactions or maybe because I knew honestly it happened at a party. Still, I was moved by how many people had pulled me aside offering to help me get out of a bad situation. Some of them complete strangers – I only knew them because they shopped where I worked.

I have to say I’ve been blessed, throughout my life, no matter what was going on, I always had some kind of support. I’ve dealt with my fair share of obstacles, more than some and less than others and I’ve been in dark places throughout my life. However, no matter how bad situations got, there were certain things that never crossed my mind – suicide being one. It was simply never an option, even at my lowest point I never wanted to die; I wanted to feel better yet I never saw death as the answer. I always had someone, a friend or a family member that would help, sometimes in ways unbeknownst to them.

Looking back, I’m not entirely certain how I would have dealt with things if I had no one to confide in. There is something so therapeutic about relaying issues to a confidant. Maybe it’s simply getting it off your chest, fully acknowledging your feelings by expressing yourself to another. Maybe it is knowing that someone is there, that you aren’t as alone as you may feel. Maybe it’s enough to know that someone cares. They care enough to inquire about your well-being or enough to listen to what’s going on and at times offer a solution or advice. I’ve always tried to be that person for other people because everyone goes through hard times and they shouldn’t have to do so alone. I’m so thankful for the people who did it for me, not only did they help me through my obstacles but they helped me to grow as a person. It’s an indescribable feeling to look back at where you were, not knowing if things would get better, feeling stuck; to not feeling those burdens anymore and finding peace. It almost encourages you through your next obstacle because you have already surpassed an instance you didn’t think you could. One of my favourite quotes is “You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” – Bob Marley. The only thing brother Bob missed was you don’t have to be strong on your own.

Are you not sure where to start? Simply ask a friend or family member to tell you something they have experienced lately.
Basically, whenever you get a chance, just listen to others.
Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com or come in to see me at:
Georgetown Public Hospital: Psychiatric Department:
Monday- Friday – 8am- 12pm

Woodlands Hospital: Outpatient Department
Drug and Alcohol group meetings – Mondays 4:15
Good mental health group meetings- Wednesdays 4:15
Suicide Prevention Helpline numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896

Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always

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