BURIED deep within all of us are stories and secrets that we would rather keep hidden away from the world. These secrets may be parts of ourselves that we believe we have outgrown. They may be memories that we think we have already left behind to fade away. They may be wounds that we think have fully closed up and healed. They may even be nightmares we believe we have already woken up from. Secrets and stories, however, when buried, do not decompose and dissolve. They swell like seeds and burst forth with such fervour that we can do nothing but reveal them to the world and, in the process, come to face that they exist.
We are all secret-keepers in our own strange ways. Yet not all of us have fully realised just how much of our identities are really shaped by these stories and secrets that we keep. Unfortunately, those who are unaware of this fact are the very people who are often shocked beyond recovery when they find pieces of their past appearing in their present lives.
The truth is, we, as a modern generation, have begun to cultivate a novel sense of openness to the unique experiences that individuals encounter throughout their lives. This means that events and moments that may have previously been regarded as private experiences are now easily thrust into the hands of scrutinisers who are ready to analyse them and present their opinions on them. One no longer needs to be a celebrity or a well-known figure in order for their life to be particularly public. Information about everything from deeply personal trauma to one’s daily outfits is handed out to strangers on the internet. This culture of oversharing on the internet has, in turn, influenced our behaviour in the real world so that it is not abnormal to share every part of ourselves with the people we choose to interact with.
We have become the first generation that does not hide its secrets but celebrates them, allowing them to see the light of the world. This change is extraordinary in that it has allowed people to bond over common issues and learn how to help one another survive their obstacles. It has removed shame from many topics that were previously stigmatised.
At the same time, it has made it quite difficult for people to find their own path out of the darkness.
To put it simply, the journey of healing is often similar to finding our way out of a dark tunnel. The only way to do so is to keep focused on the light ahead of us. The ability to connect with others and observe their respective journeys of healing is analogous to adding lamps inside the tunnel we are trapped in. We may no longer be in darkness anymore, and we may no longer be frightened, but if we are not careful, we may forget to keep focused on our own way out. Sometimes, the lamps are so bright that they obliterate the gleam of the light that directs us towards our freedom, and we may choose to take shelter in its brightness rather than take the discomfort of finding our own freedom.
In our generation, our secrets may no longer need to be concealed as secrets. We are welcomed to share our struggles and are offered help whenever we choose to do so. Yet, even when secrets are no longer secrets, they are still very much our own personal stories and experiences, whose effect on us is not diminished by others analysing them or comparing them to their own experiences. As we welcome this new era of openness, let us remember that it is just as normal to keep some things private as it is to share them. It is just as normal to find our own way out of the tunnel as it is to ask for help. It is okay to embark on your unique journey of healing and growth, even when no one around you seems to be taking your route.
Your struggles do not become smaller simply because you choose not to share them with the world.