WHEN we look at our children, we don’t want to imagine them growing up to become a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence. We want our children to lead successful and fulfilling lives; to be happy and content (as much as possible with life’s challenges and ups and downs), and to have a comfortable, clean home with loved ones around them. It needn’t be a fairy tale existence, but just one that yields good fortune rather than bad, and is functional rather than dysfunctional.

To help our children embark on a reasonably satisfying lifestyle, we must teach them common courtesies, morals and values, and the difference between right and wrong. We must also instil in them a sense of self-value and self-esteem, so they recognise that their bodies and lives are precious commodities that should be appreciated, respected and cherished by others and themselves.

We must emphasise to young adults that no husband, wife, lover, friend, girlfriend, baby- father, child-mother or boyfriend has the right to physically abuse their partner, and if they do, they have a grave problem that needs to be addressed. The fact is not debatable; something is wrong with people who physically abuse others. Abuse is an abnormal act; it could be a problem that stems from the perpetrator’s childhood insecurities or unidentified self-loathing. On the other hand, the person could have grown up witnessing domestic violence in their household, and believe it is acceptable behaviour.

Maybe the perpetrator is an aggressive bully who feels self-adulation, or gets a kick out of intimidating or causing physical pain to their partner. Why? Because they can get away with it, and know they have a tight psychological hold over the victim. Whatever the reasons behind the action, no one should tolerate physical abuse; it is an infringement of our human rights. Youngsters searching for a partner must beware. Once the tendency for abuse is recognised, even if it is just a slight chance that a person will become abusive, it is time to get out and gradually part company. They should keep their distance and stay safe.

Parents are the best people to guide children into healthy relationships, but first, they must exhibit the same, because children learn best from example. What better way to teach than a child living with a loving, protective mother and father? Even when parents live apart and co-parent, they can still be civil and respectful to each other, giving children the benefit of both relationships. The aim is to provide the most balanced upbringing possible, so children don’t grow up with pent-up anger, bitterness and pain, released through aggression or other negative emotions in adulthood.

Parents don’t need to run their children’s lives to guide them, but they must stay significantly connected to the child, from infancy to childhood, through adolescence to adulthood. A strong connection enables parents to give essential advice, correction, opinions, ideas, and direction when necessary. Parents should be the child’s first port of call for assistance, love and information.

Some parents are happy when their children reach 16 – 19 years old, so they can hit the streets and fend for themselves; they don’t keep ‘tabs’ on their offspring, and may only have a vague idea of where the child goes, and what they get up to; the child is free to come and go as they please. These parents are under the assumption that the child is an adult, and will learn about life and the world through trial and error. But trial and error does not work for everyone.

The chances of a teenage boyfriend/girlfriend relationship becoming long-term are slim. Most adolescents have no relationship experience, and, in some cases, very little on which to model their affection, passion and desires. Before long, children are born into this unstable union, adding to the pressure and probability of both parties becoming disillusioned, frustrated, and parting.

Young women with low self-esteem always attract men who make them feel good about themselves, and then bully and control them, due to their low self-image. Boys who grow up without father figures can suffer self-doubt and lack confidence. They may even have abandonment issues, regardless of the bravado and self-assuring air they show to the world.

Many young people become adults who never understand themselves, or the reasons behind their actions. Their anti-social behaviour might be aggressive, deceitful, narcissistic, violent, or distrustful. To them, it is normal. They can get along fine with everyone they encounter, if they choose to, but their persona is far from acceptable behind closed doors and in relationships.

Parents cannot live their children’s lives; they can only protect them for a certain amount of time, and then youngsters are free to make their own choices. However, parents can empower their youngsters with the following tips: 1) Build awareness. Teach them to recognise healthy and unhealthy relationships and to stay away from the latter. 2) Outline the different types of abuse and emphasis that abuse of any type is abnormal and unacceptable. 3) Explain that a healthy relationship entitles people to personal space and the freedom to choose.

4) Loyalty should be at the heart of a good relationship.

5) No party should visit acts of intimidation, threats, bullying, or pressure on the other. 6) As individuals, we should uphold our human rights. The right to be free from gendered violence, the right to freedom of association, and the right to freedom of movement. Good relationships create a happy heart and a peaceful, productive mind.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY