FOR some people, love and proximity must go hand in hand. You must be close to the people you love, you must be present in their lives and let them be present in yours. That’s okay for many of us;yes, we do have our loved ones close to us, whether it be friends, relatives or even your spouses, I am sure that they’re all close physically and emotionally to you. With that in mind, what do you do when someone you love hurts you or disrespects you? If it’s one thing I’ve learned in my short journey through life thus far, it’s that love doesn’t automatically go away. At least, that’s not the case for me. I can’t wake up the next day and “unlove” (oh, how I dislike that word) someone, even after they may have done something to hurt me, cause me distress or completely destroy my peace. A part of me will still love them.

Teenage Marissa would’ve been allowing herself to be in the same proximity (mentally and physically) of those very persons. However, the Marissa that wrote this article might do the complete opposite of that. I say “might,” because I’m not completely in the clear yet, and I don’t think I’ll ever be a 100 percent okay with loving people from afar, but it’s still necessary and important in hurtful, disrespectful situations. There are days when I feel like a complete failure. If it weren’t for constant reassurances and consistent mental work on myself, I don’t even think I would’ve been able to love people from afar. Given my profession, I can help myself, but I urge you all to not “self-treat” your issues—seek help when needs be. You see, it goes back to an issue with boundaries and learning when to say NO—I’ve stressed on those two issues separately in previous column sections of mine. If you’re not aware of what you’re worth, what your values are and what you want out of life, then you won’t be able to set healthy boundaries for yourself and those around you.

It’s also important to note that your loved ones must know what you can and cannot tolerate. You need to learn to communicate your expectations to them, otherwise, they won’t know. Let’s say now they know what those expectations are, and they still went ahead to disrespect you within the relationship you share with them,then your boundaries and self-awareness will predict if you’ll be able to love them from afar or you can still keep them in your life. It all comes down to what you can and cannot tolerate. I decided to write this column section to help you all to understand that it is okay to love people from afar—even your family. At the end of the day, we’re all human beings and we may still feel love for our backstabbing, lying or disrespectful friends or family. You can love them and still choose to stay away from them. You can love them and still move on from them. You can have love for them and choose you at the end of it all.