I REMEMBER one time when I saw a few clients for substance use and abuse issues, what affected me most was seeing the effect it had on those around them. The family/friends of substance abusers are equally if not even more affected than the user him/herself. The drug might not physically enter their bodies and harm them as it does the user, but those close to them are definitely mentally, socially, emotionally and financially affected.

If you are a substance abuser and do not want to seek help for yourself, I hope this article gives you the motivation to stop using for the ones you love. If you are the family/friend of an abuser/addict, I hope you find comfort in this piece and seek the help that is available for you within our community.

It has long been said that addiction is a family disease. It affects spouses, children, parents, siblings and even friends. This is for a multitude of reasons. The abuser spends most of his/her time obsessing, obtaining and using the drug, they spend most of their money on the drug, often have issues with the law, and are often unemployed. Additionally, they tend to be unreliable, unkind, and abusive or absent. All of these cause many issues within the family, many arguments, much shame, divorce and even suicidal thoughts and behaviours.

In a typical family unit, each individual has specific role/s. This helps the family to successfully function and maintains order. When even one of those individuals gets addicted to drugs, it throws the whole balance off as roles have to be shifted between the other members of the family. Additionally, new roles are developed in order to deal with the negative effects of substance abuse. When there is drug abuse within the family, there are specific roles taken up by each member. Each role forces one to neglect his/her own needs and cater to others. Below are the possible roles.

The Hero
Often the eldest, most responsible and hard-working person in the family. They are over-achievers and perfectionists who take on responsibility for which they are not responsible. They do not want to make mistakes to make up for all the errors that the substance abuser makes. This makes failure particularly difficult for them to deal with and often leads to insecurity and low self-esteem.

The scapegoat 
This is the one who typically gets into trouble (mostly a child). They are blamed for all wrongdoings in the home and are labelled troublesome or rebellious. Everyone is so distracted by their behaviour that they sometimes fail to see the real problem at hand. This behaviour can be due to a parent being an addict and mostly leads to addiction itself. Mostly, this person/child feels unheard, neglected and lonely.

The Mascot 
This is the individual who assumes the role of a comic. They are often full of energy, jokes, and smiles — whether or not they truly feel that way on the inside. They use humour as a coping mechanism and are charming and fun to be around. They typically feel that this is an important distraction for the rest of the family- laugh to forget the worries. They get hurt like anyone else but mostly hide it for the benefit of others.

The Lost Child 
This one seems quiet, distant, isolated but yet content. He/she makes sure to remain invisible as to not cause any additional problems within the family. They do not personally get involved with any issues. They have trouble socialising and developing relationships in general. On the inside, they typically feel hurt, unheard and lonely.

The Enabler 
This individual is usually the spouse or eldest child of an addict. They pick up the slack and do all the tasks that the addict can no longer do. They become the breadwinner, do the housework, and take care of other family members — pretty much everything. They provide the time and money the addict needs to obtain the drug. Most importantly, they make excuses for the addict, especially in social situations. This, while helpful and kind to the others, has the opposite effect on the addict. An addict is much less likely to seek treatment if they have an enabler in his/her life.

Do you recognise any of these roles? Have you adopted them?
How does substance use affect children?
Children are particularly affected by substance abuse within a home. Children raised by a substance abuser are basically being raised by a single parent. The non-using parent (if there even is one) often has to do all the cooking, cleaning, school work, and make the financial living for the family. The children tend to grow up in a home without structure or order.

A child of an addict is more likely to have issues socialising, have issues at school, problems with the law and is more vulnerable to general issues of mental health (any type).

Addicts are particularly violent and may be so to their children, starting a cycle of abuse. Please remember that children who are abused (physically, emotionally or sexually) are more likely to abuse their spouses and their own children. Children of addicts are more likely to drop out of school than children of non-addicts. Children of addicts are more likely to become addicts themselves, especially alcoholics. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely to develop alcoholism. If the addict is using illicit substances, children are unfairly exposed to illegal activities.

Being raised by an addict and experiencing all of the above result in low self-confidence and self-esteem, loneliness, guilt, anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. It results in a fear of abandonment and a lack of respect for the parents; the one for using and the other for staying. Very often, because of parental drug abuse, children are raised by extended family such as grandparents.

How does substance use affect a spouse/partner? 
It is very difficult to live with someone who often uses alcohol/ drugs. As mentioned, it causes a multitude of issues such as fear, lack of trust or resentment. The non-using partner often starts to doubt and even blame themselves for their partner’s use. They habitually believe that they are unloved as if their partner loved them, they would stop using. They feel guilty for not leaving the situation but instead exposing their children to it. They feel sad, angry and embarrassed; they feel helpless and hopeless.

The lack of trust stems from the persistent lying and stealing done by the drug user. They often lie about their use or where they have been. Often, the non-using partner has to hide valuables as the user steals in order to fund their habit. Sadly, the closest things available go first which means they begin to steal from their families before anyone else.

One using partner also increases the possibility of two using partners. This situation is harder on both partners as well as children. That household would be very dysfunctional and children would be particularly neglected. When both partners are users, there is a less chance of divorce, but a high rate of enabling and co-dependency. This means they feed off each other’s habits and unknowingly encourage each other to keep using.

How does substance use affect parents?
I am not yet a parent, but the popular consensus is that you will never love another human being the way you love your child. This obviously means that you want nothing but the best for them; that their pain is your pain. It is incredibly difficult to watch your child struggle — in any capacity.

A child’s drug use causes a lot of issues between the parents. They begin to neglect each other and spend most of their energy and resources on the child. Some even have to stop working due to the guilt, stress, anxiety and depression that the situation may cause. Many arguments happen due to a difference of opinion of how to handle the situation. Everyone has different opinions which usually becomes hard to respect when in difficult situations. Many parents blame each other and tend to separate or get divorced over hardships caused by children.

If you are a family member/friend of an addict, the most important thing to remember is that it is not your fault, even if they say that it is. It is a very common characteristic of an addict to blame any and everyone else for their habit. Sadly, there isn’t much you can do either. An addict needs to want to get help. The only thing you can do is keep educated on the pattern so you can pass on information — both to the addict and anyone else in the family. Try not to be an enabler. Seek help for yourself.

There are Al-Anon meetings available in Guyana. These are specific support groups for the family and friends of substance abusers.

For adults (age 30+):
Thursdays – 17:15hrs- 18:15hrs
Location: Brickdam Presbytery (opposite Brickdam Church)
 
For adolescents/ young adults (ages 14-30):
Thursdays – 18:30hrs- 19:30hrs
Location: Brickdam Presbytery (opposite Brickdam Church)
 
Keep in mind that there are ways to educate your partner on the harms of addiction as well as encourage them to seek help. With the whole family involved, it usually starts with an intervention. In the meantime, if you have someone close to you who is an addict, spend the next week researching all you can about addiction, their specific drug of choice and the harms it does to the mind and body. You will need that to be able to conduct an intervention.
 
Thanking you for reading. Please keep sending any topics you’d like to talk about to caitlinvieira@gmail.com 
Suicide Prevention Helpline numbers: 223-0001, 223-0009, 623-4444, 600-7896
 
Say Yes to Life and No to Drugs! Always