?Dear Editor,
OH Boy, Anil Nandlall has lost another court case again. By any chance, do you know of anyone who may have his ears? I have a very important job for that person to undertake.

Rather, make that two jobs. First job is relatively straight forward. Just remove the sticks that are broken in Anil’s ears. The second job is a bit more complex, some may argue cerebral, no pun intended. Ideally, the successful candidate must be a teetotaller. Can’t have tremulous hands to undertake this delicate procedure.

Now that we have selected someone, not an Irfaan-type selection, and cleared Anil’s ears, we can get started. The first step is to identify both of Anil’s tympanic membranes, which are located in the middle ear. Distal to the tympanic membrane, the semicircular canals, which occupy the three geometric planes in the inner ear, can be seen. That should lead to the Eustachian tube, which, with some manoeuvring leads you into the inner skull. This second step is critical, for which I will require your undivided attention. In the syringes to your right, you will see 200cc of white jelly-type substance. Immediately to your left, you will see similar type syringes that have 1200cc of grey jelly type substance. What you need to do, is to follow the tract we just established and infuse these substances into Anil’s inner skull.

I know you are wondering what are these jelly-like substances. The white substance is nerve fibres which are critical for neurotransmission. Ignore that tongue biting big word for now. The grey jelly-like substance is the grey matter of the brain, which is important for thinking. Anil needs lots of that. By now, you should realise what we have done.

We have actually infused Anil’s empty skull with brain matter. Essentially, he was born anencephalic, abbreviated Anil which means, born without a brain. It is for this reason that he has been absolutely abusing the process of the lower court with vexatious and wholly misconceived cases, when the very legal questions he is asking the lower courts to rule on,  were answered by the higher courts.

I do trust that this service I have provided, which would result in Anil’s no longer wasting the court’s time, would be seen as an invaluable intervention, out of love for the country of my birth, completely rubbishing the spurious and unfounded claims that I’m not patriotic.
Finally, I should make two key points before I close.

Firstly, Anil was provided with virgin brain tissue, i.e never before used, from the Opposition Leader. We have excised all his brain matter, since in our expert opinion he does not need any to repeat his favourite words “illegal government.” Echolalia. Let’s face it, mate has not used any brain matter in 55 years. Secondly, I cannot stress enough, that despite this successful transethmoidal brain transfusion, Anil’s legal skills would only improve if he spends time reading the disputed law books.
Regards
Dr. Mark Devonish MBBS  MSc Med. Ed  FRCP(Edin)  FRCP(UK)
Consultant Acute Medicine
Nottingham University Hospital
UK