–Young, vibrant, wearer of many hats

By Jasmaine Payne
THE thing about gender equality is that while women have strived for it over the decades, now, with the changing roles of women, comes the realisation that she has not been relieved

of her traditional roles, but must, in fact, be a wearer of many hats.

Chief among those hats is the title of “mother”, which is seen as a major role in “womanhood”. Today, women embrace their dual rolesm having entered into the world of work, and now, in many cases, there are women who have to put in “over-time” because of the absence of the father in the home; an unfortunate outcome which often results from many factors.
So today, within the definition of motherhood can be found a growing population of single-mothers; women who hold the role of mother, father and breadwinner, all at the same time. So what does today’s 21st Century single-mother look like?

The 21st Century single-mother has to be bold and courageous, setting the perfect example for her children to follow; she commands respect because she gives it. She accepts and conquers the challenges of her role as a mother and professional because she wants to set the standards her children should live by, moulding them into accomplished adults.

REWARDING FOR MANY
Being a mother in the 21st Century can be a rewarding experience for many, but there is a flip side for the single-mother, especially when she is also a working professional. She is faced with many challenges in the workplace, and must also function at maximum capacity, as both mother and father, when she gets home.

Just ask 32-year-old broadcast journalist and single-mother of three, Stacy Carmichael. For this young mother, balancing a hectic job and adequately caring for her 10, eight and three-year-old sons is not an easy task. It requires proper planning, patience and an impeccable ability to multi-task.
But Stacy was well aware of the huge task she was undertaking, having been responsible for ending the relationship with her partner not once, but twice in her life.
“Some people believe that because of the struggle of single-parenthood, and the need for children to have both parents in their lives you should try to keep the family together at all costs,” Stacy said.

“But what kind of environment are you trying to nurture children in? No matter how bad it might look to outsiders, it is better to leave than to stay in a relationship that will only harm your children beyond repair.”
The first time she tried to make the “family” situation work was with the father of her two eldest sons. But a combination of struggles put a strain on the relationship, which led to her very calculated decision to finally leave.

FOR THE BEST
“I knew that it was for the best. I felt relieved in many ways, because I knew I was not ready to settle down with him; and I also knew I could undertake the responsibilities of being a single-parent,” Stacy said. Soon after, she would meet the man who would become her husband, and give birth to her third child. But the relationship that she thought would actually be a lasting one was instead filled with many difficulties, including domestic abuse. “After four years of trying to make it work, I found myself having to make yet another hard decision of breaking it off,” she said. “I thought it was the best decision for me and my children and I will never regret it, no matter how hard life gets.”

Stacy expressed the wish that men provide more support for their partners in order to help to make work lighter, especially with the load that women bear of balancing both work and the home.
“I wish more men could get a taste of what it’s like to work all day, come home, look after the children, make dinner, assist with homework and give everyone in the home, including the husband or the partner, equal attention. It looks easy, because we (women) make it look effortless, but truthfully, it is a lot. And quite frankly, we can do with some support, more so us single-women,” she said.

She also believes that whether or not men are still in a relationship with the mother of the children, they should always remember that raising a child is a shared responsibility; as such, they need to do their part and not allow the women to be overburdened, which would mean the children are not getting what they deserve from their mother.

AN EVOLVING ROLE
To Stacy, the 21st Century mother’s role has evolved and requires much more of her selfless giving, but like every woman, she still wants to feel wanted and appreciated, and would love to know that her hard work is recognised.
Single-mothers are raising the future generation on their own, and while sometimes it is unavoidable, the men who were part of the process should do more. “Yes, there are many superwomen out there battling alone, but even ‘Superwoman’ needs a rest, and needs to know that someone is cheering her on; someone is there to pitch in.

“She likes to know that a shoulder is there, or at least someone is doing their part; at least financially and otherwise,” Stacy said. She credits her family with providing her with assistance in raising her three children, as she does not receive much help from their fathers.
Mothers are invaluable and love to be treated as such, even if a father is not part of the household; it is the expectation that his commitment to his children remains in perfect order, contributing almost equitably to ensure that the children get the best possible lives.

Stacy believes that this is not asking too much. “We single-moms in this day and age have our plates full; we are the great jugglers. And in most cases, we do it seamlessly, because we understand the dynamics; we understand what is expected of us at work and home. We do it not only for ourselves, but because we love our children,” she explained.
It must be acknowledged that the 21st Century mother, and most importantly the single-mother, has two full-time jobs: One at the office, and one at her home, therefore credit must be given. And her male counterparts must recognise her value and contributions.