By Neil Primus
GORDON loved to drink. The only other thing he liked as much was fish. He would eat fish fried, baked, steamed or raw. Once you said fish, he was there.
Tonight, he would be going to a party; he relished the idea of nuff rum and bountiful fish.
**

Wata Muma was lonely; she needed a new mate. All of her previous mates were dead; they did not last very long.
She spread the news to her fish friends. “Be on the lookout for a good man for me.” She waited impatiently to hear from them.

**
The party was in full swing. It was a big fish fete; only fish was prepared. Gordon ate his belly full and drank himself silly.
He ate Low-Low, Arapaima, Pirai, Banga, Patwa, Huri, Hassar and a few he could not name.
He drank El-Dorado, XM, Absolute Vodka and Gin. Eventually, someone showed him to the gate, and closed it firmly behind him. He stumbled towards home.
High Banks was a riverine community, and boats of all sizes lined the river bank. Gordon’s route home came close to the river. It was while trying to maintain a straight course that he stumbled and fell into the river.

Splash!
As drunk as he was, he was still an excellent swimmer. He began to paddle skilfully in the wrong direction.
Soon, he was heading out into the deep. The water was calm, so he did not panic at the distance he had to go.
Unfortunately for him, he did not realise that he was looking at the opposite bank of the river. He kept going.
The fish raced off to inform Wata Muma.
“Man in water! Come quick!”
She was there with a few flips of her wonderful scaly tail. Taking hold of Gordon, she dove for home. She took him to meet all her family, and he smiled as he shook hands and fins. He was that drunk.
Wata Muma called all her friends. Here was a mate who was very pleasant, and obviously ready to stay below. The trouble with the others was that they had all flatly refused her offer. Too bad for them. Now they were no longer in the picture.
BIG PARTY
A big water party was thrown; all the river creatures were invited. The place was filled to capacity. Food was there, and drink was limitless.
Gordon looked at the food and fumed in anger. This was the first sign that he was unhappy, and his new mate wanted to please him.
“What’s the matter?”
“I hungry and thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some food. What would you like to drink?”
“Rum!” was the immediate and predictable reply.
She took off and disappeared from view in the murky water. After a while, she returned with her fish crew. She brought a small barrel of well cured rum, and an abundance of fruits. These were set down in front of her new lover.
He grabbed the rum, and again frowned.
“What now, my dear?” Wata Muma was getting a bit worried.
“I want food! Not fruits!” He was irritated by now.
Meanwhile, the party was in full swing. Fish, crabs, snakes, octopus and other river dwellers were enjoying themselves.
Even though they appeared to be having fun, they were all listening to the unusual exchange between their friend Wata Muma and this clumsy, ugly land creature.
OH-OH!

“Ok! What do you want to eat?”
“Fish! Any kind!”
A sudden hush came over the revellers, as they all stared at Gordon in horror. Then, pandemonium broke out. In the blink of an eye, all the sea creatures were gone. Except Wata Muma.
Her eyes were flashing, and she shook with anger. With a mighty swing of her silvery tail, she swatted Gordon savagely out of the water. He landed on the river bank, where he fell in an immediate doze.
Sometime later, Gordon got up, dusted himself off, and staggered home, hugging the barrel of rum. He was quite put out by the fact that he had missed out on a nice party.
There was one thing about Gordon that even he did not realise: He was now smelling very, very fishy.