Not often, or not at all there are reports of men who were beaten up by their wives but the case of a well-known city pastor is a rare exception. He is among 72 who were abused by their female partners last year, according to statistics released by Help and Shelter, which also said that for this year a number of others have visited the centre seeking help. Deeply steeped in his biblical beliefs, the pastor perhaps held out for too long to the noble advice “if some slapped on one side of the face, give him the other side,” before he realised that it is not applicable in all circumstances.
The blows that he was receiving were many and vicious, so much so that he came to himself to accept that though he would not react violently, he will not continue to “give deep affection” to his hostile wife. For some unexplained reasoned, the wife of the pastor would pick quarrels and then then ‘beat him for song’. Apart from the beating, he was frequently neglected, faced a torrent of verbal abuse and was regularly sexually abused by his wife.
The pastor tried prayers as a means of escaping his unfortunate circumstance, but the woman showed no sign of letting up, but God did answer his prayer when his wisdom summoned him to visit Help and Shelter. He appeared before the counselor in his torn up office shirt, clinging to hope. His tattered garment was not caused by the unforgiving elements in the wilderness while trying to invoke the Creator, but it was one of those occasions where his wife had beaten him to the pulp. And looking at his situation, at first glance, Margaret Kertzious, Coordinator and Director for Help and Shelter said she had to approach his case as an emergency situation.
She diagnosed his situation as grievous assault, and quickly engaged the services of a lawyer who hurriedly filed for a Protection Order, baring the pastor’s wife from getting anywhere close to him. And with just a few days away from the abusive woman, the pastor began to feel as though he was in Heaven, and in a bid to preserve his protection, without much hesitation or second thought, he filed for legal separation from her.
Today, the pastor can boast of having trust in the Lord as his divine conviction helped him to navigate the stormy sea, and position him on the horizon of hope. He is now a happy man, married again, and is beginning to enjoy a life free of abuse.
SUFFER IN SILENCE
Kertzious told the Guyana Chronicle that there are many men like the pastor who are suffering in silence, some of whom explode, unleashing deadly violence. And it happened because they don’t speak out about their problems, and when they do, they are not listened to. According to the Help and Shelter Director, the problem with them not speaking up has to do with how they were socialised in childhood, in adolescence and early adulthood.
“The boys, you give them guns and those things. You teach them to be tough, ragamuffin… and when they fall and cried, you holler at them, tell them shut yuh mouth and berate them as weak,” she pointed out, noting that the early socialisation, negatively affects them in adulthood when it comes to seeking help.
But aside from this, Kertzious noted that society is also unkind to men because when they go to the police station to make a report of abuse, the lawmen would laugh at them. And it is not only the Police who make mockery of their plights. “Some doctors also laugh at them when they go to seek treatment for physical abuse meted out to them; abuse is no laughing matter,” she said.
Last year, 72 battered men sought help from Help and Shelter and this year quite a number visited the centre. The Help and Shelter Director also pointed out that while it is a known fact that women comprised the majority of victims of domestic violence, quite a few men are also victims, and praised victims like the pastor for speaking out. “Speaking out enable victims, both men and women to get help.” This defuses the situation before it gets to a point where it spirals out of control, Kertzious said. She also disclosed that men suffer from all the abuses men usually inflict on women, include sexual abuse. And, on that note, she warned women that the Sexual Offences Act, also offer protection for men. “You know that you got some women who like rush up to men and start pulling and grabbing at their private parts and things like that… these presumptuous women… just what the men do the women do…” the Help and Shelter Director revealed. These women, she said can be criminally charged if the matter is reported by the victim.

By Tajeram Mohabir