I HAVE two questions: First, I am in a relationship with a man who has been divorced 12 years, and never remarried or wanted to, until he met me. His ex-wife doesn’t want anything to do with me. That’s not my problem.
My problem is: She keeps calling my fiancé and complaining she knows I am older than he; that I helped him purchase an expensive truck; and that I don’t have to work. To me, that sounds like jealousy, possibly because she is still in love with him. She is not a threat to me at all, but I wonder if it is wrong for me to befriend her on Facebook. It’s obvious she’s looked at my profile; and I’ve looked at hers. I would like to private-message her and say she is more than welcome to ask me any questions about my life, instead of calling my fiancé to take jabs at me.
Secondly, my ex-husband has a girlfriend of six weeks. He wants me to be Facebook-friends with her. I am all for getting along, especially for the sake of the kids involved, but I thought when a couple divorces, it means you no longer do for the other like you did when you were married.
What boundaries should be honoured, and how nice is too nice?
Gwen

Gwen,
This is confusing. In the first scenario, you want to ‘friend’ someone who is nasty, and freely give her information she has no right to. Do you think you are superior to her and want to rub her nose in it? What angle are you going for?
In the second scenario, you don’t want to ‘friend’ someone who is nice, but who is involved with your ‘ex’. Why can’t you tell your ex-husband, “I’m not your girlfriend’s friend; I think it is improper to ‘friend’ her until she becomes part of our extended family.”
Following a single principle in both cases is the easiest solution. ‘Friending’ means a friend: A true friend; no one else qualifies.
Wayne & Tamara