IN a previous communication to you I highlighted the fact that most women in domestic abuse situations are a danger to themselves as well as to others around them, whenever they are in that so called “love mode” of theirs. It means that warnings to stay away from, or sever all relations with the abusive mate would go unheeded and those around them who are giving the timely life-saving advice are also at risk. When I say a risk, I am speaking about the fact that he sees that person/s as a barrier to his communication with her, which means that he can even become violent with those individuals also. That part of my hypothesis was clearly evidenced in the story of the young man who murdered his common-law wife’s – let’s say for academic purposes grandmother – and her brother, a very dangerous situation if I may add.
My letter today bears similar sentiments as I press ahead with that thesis of the woman being the root cause or architect, if you please, of her own domestic violence scourge.
I will begin with a story related to me by one of our oldsters. Somewhere on the East Coast of Demerara, there was a cheating wife who was in the habit of entertaining her lover whenever her husband went off to work. This went on for some time until the husband caught the two on one of his chanced early return from work one day. He questioned the woman about her association with the man to which he got a more than convincing response that this guy was her cousin. A very convincing woman and an equally understanding simpleton husband!
Then came the day when he stumbled on the two in passionate love making when nothing was left to reason as to that “cousin theory”. What took place later was an attack on “her cousin” which saw the alleged cousin getting the better of her husband. He flung him headlong through the window of that house to his death. The wife’s lover was subsequently arrested and charged for murder. Now, the rest of that story is worthy of note, the wife was the one making visits to the murderer in prison, providing meals, while comforting him in his time of trouble. When one would have thought that the wife would be in mourning for her dead husband she was showing “her love” and sympathy for her so-called cousin. If that was not enough at the trial the wife became the star witness for the defence. She claimed that it was the husband who was the aggressor and the one who initiated the violent attack. The only sad thing was that he got the worst of it. Seeing she was the only eyewitness to the encounter and the sole evidence with-which you can rely on the court had no choice than to free the accused. The court concluded that the husband, for no real reason in a fit of rage attacked the accused. Hence, someone dying as a result of mutual combat, the accused can quite naturally walk free.
I cannot recall how soon after, but our older folks familiar with the above story would be in a better position to give a more accurate timing, but, it was not very long after the two alleged cousins got married. Fantastic! There is no reason or feeling of remorse from a woman who is supposedly “in love.”
Now, let us turn to another episode which took place in New Amsterdam. In this case we have a woman who was in an abusive relationship for a very long time. Her abuse ranged from the constant cuss-outs then to the knockdowns and stabbings. As in most of these cases, she would make numerous reports then recant her position until it reached a point where she could not take it any longer and decided to take the matter to court. She finally decided to make a break from the abusive man, or didn’t she? On the day of his trial everyone was stunned when that woman changed her story. She claimed that she was never abused by the man, rather it was the investigating police officer who wanted a relationship with her, so he is the one who concocted all of these strange stories of abuse against her man. At this trial the victim of the accused suddenly became the victim of the police officer. This is shocking, yet believable testimony coming from the one who was supposed to have been abused. Again, the court was forced into accepting her testimony and set the accused free. No wonder some police officers are reluctant to intervene in these matters. And I do not blame them because you are not dealing with a rational thinking woman in such circumstances. The rest of this sick disgusting story I cannot now recall but suffice it to say that she might have met her demise at the hands of that lover she so stoutly defended.
The point here is when a woman is in that mode or trend of emotional thought she lacks the power to reason. She lacks the capacity to be rational or reasonable, hence, no amount of beatings, stabbings or any other form of abuse is ever seen in that light. She paints a different picture in her mind of the man. She sees the abuser in a whole different light. She sees him as being strongly in love with her one who is “prone to make mistakes” so he is to be protected at all cost. This is a dangerous situation to herself and to others who are associated with her.
NEIL ADAMS
