One-way street
FIRST OFF, I feel silly writing to someone out there in cyberspace, but I need a neutral person’s opinion on my current situation.
About two years ago, my boyfriend of three years decided he wanted to move across the country. I didn’t go with him.
To this day, the entire time he’s been there he told me he loves me, and that I am the only person for him. Recently, he said he could marry me if I moved out there.
He lives with my best friend’s brother. Last month she went out to visit her brother and came back with some fun facts about what this guy has been doing behind my back. Once he moved out there, he became obsessed with a girl, and saw her for a little under a year.
They decided to have an ‘open relationship’ and sleep with whomever they wanted. He never told me he was seeing or dating anyone else. He told me he slept with someone once a year ago, but she moved to Los Angeles. In case you were wondering, though, she’s still living in his townhouse.
He also claimed this girl was sleeping with other people, but he was not. I’m not fully sure I believe him. He said he didn’t tell me the truth, because he didn’t think I could handle it. Anyway, he said, I’m being ‘childish’ over his lies because we weren’t together. But when someone texts or calls you every day, like he has done, I feel I am within reason to leave this guy behind.
My best friend told me his roommates felt really bad for me because I had no idea what was
going on. He made me look like a fool, and not for the first time.
Sorry for dumping my issues on you, but I am lost. I hope you can give me a silver lining to this dark cloud over my head.
Jodi

Jodi,
Things are not as gray as people think. This is the speed limit; this is the day you have to pay your taxes; this is when the rent is due. We don’t get to hit, steal or kill, and when we lie or take
advantage of others, it proves we do not love them.
It is possible to love people who don’t love us back. The care and concern we have for them, they don’t have for us. When that happens, we cannot apply our emotions to them.
Unless your definition of a boyfriend includes a man who dates and lives with other women, he’s not been your boyfriend.
Does it matter if a man stole one car or ten? He’s still a thief. His game-plan was simple: Keep her worked up because some day, I may want to use her to my advantage. He wants sex with as many women as possible, and he still hasn’t crossed you off his list.
When he claimed he was intimate with a woman once and she moved away, even in his confession he lied. What did he admit? Nothing. Catch up to where he is. He doesn’t care about you.
Cut this tie permanently, and it will strengthen you and make you more adept in the game of life. That is your silver lining. But keep him in your life, and you will grow weaker and weaker.
Five hundred years ago, Niccolo Machiavelli wrote that for some time, he never said what he believed or believed what he said, and if sometimes he told the truth, it was hidden behind so many lies it was impossible to find.
Machiavelli wrote in 16th Century Italy, at a time when treachery and duplicity were the norm. Your boyfriend would be at home in that world. He is ruthless and coldblooded as a snake. That is not a world for you to inhabit.