MY HUSBAND and I went on our first vacation to California, where we once lived. We went with our two boys and stayed at my best friend’s house.

She has a roommate we never met. My husband and the roommate hit it off quite nicely. One night I went to bed with the boys, while the husband and the roommate stayed up drinking wine. I had a bad feeling something was going on, so I walked out to check.

My husband reassured me, then I chatted with them for a few minutes and went back to bed. Minutes later, I got a sick feeling in my stomach: I knew they were messing around. When I walked into the living room, my husband was on top of her, and they were making out.

He swears it never happened before, and it was a mistake. Now I am being blamed for ending a marriage, just because he “kissed a girl.” It was more than that. I saw the look of ecstasy on her face; I saw his hands on her body. Had I waited a few minutes more, I don’t doubt clothes would have been off.

I cannot forgive this; we were at my best friend’s house, and the boys and I were in the next room. Just because they weren’t yet intimate, only because I stopped them, doesn’t mean this isn’t ultimate betrayal! What do you think?
Kirsty

Kirsty,
Ask a group of people to list the emotions, and they will mention things like anger, fear, love, hate, and surprise. The emotion most people will leave out is disgust, yet psychologists almost universally consider disgust a basic human feeling.

Disgust is the emotion which centres around contamination, recoil, and contagion. Taste rancid food, and disgust says don’t eat it. Smell a foul odour and disgust says leave. Reach your hand toward a slimy substance, and disgust says stop.

Disgust is an emotion designed to protect us; it is rooted in our biology. On the moral level, disgust identifies behaviour which is beyond the pale. Disgust explains why we hate traitors and pedophiles; they are tainted. On a physical level, they make us sick to the stomach.

Why did you end your marriage over “just a kiss?” The answer is you didn’t; your husband tripped your disgust trigger, and disgust ends love; disgust puts us in the realm of the contaminated, the foul, the corrupt, the rank, and the rotten. When we feel disgust we want only one thing: We want the source to disappear.
Wayne & Tamara