in the television series “The Sopranos,” Carmela Soprano enjoys the lifestyle provided by her gangster husband, Tony. At the same time, she is dissatisfied with his crude ways. Contemplating divorce, Carmela goes to a therapist to find a simple answer to her dilemma, but she is taken aback by his bluntness. The therapist makes clear her husband is a mobster, and whether she stays or goes, Carmela intends to continue living off blood money. You would like a simple solution, too, but in your own mind you are sidestepping the truth. Immediately after telling us you never loved your husband, you speak of the love you both had. Which is it?

It appears you gave him an ultimatum. Marry me, or I will date others. That isn’t the wedding proposal most girls dream of, and if that is what happened, it wasn’t the right way to begin a marriage. Most people don’t like to say no, and that is why they often give in to high-pressure sales people. Is that what your husband did?

Look at what happened, examine it, and own it. There is no shame in admitting a mistake, when a mistake is made. Put your cards on the table with your husband, but before that, put your cards on the table with yourself. You are not the only person who ever mistook love for like, familiarity, and convenience.

Your yearning is telling you that you never had love and are still looking. Many women in your situation–trapped by economics and the prospect of single parenthood–go looking for another man and leave the marriage only when they have found one. But that is the low road, and you don’t need to take the low road again.

We don’t get more from less, and we don’t get something from easy. First, be honest with yourself. Next, be honest with your husband. Then the two of you can decide where you honestly are.