THE Parrot
‘Let’s examine the basic Maths. A fortnight is 14 days. The guard gets $16,000 for 14 days. To find one day earnings, $16,000 must be divided by 14. This gives $1,142.8571, to be exact. How did Uncle Adam get $100? Yes, $100! Was this Maths done in the Garden-of-Eden? Even then it was simple; a pair of everything; a pair meaning two. So how come this big fancy Editor-in-Chief of the Waterfall paper which boasts of having in excess of 60,000 hits online per day, can’t do simple calculation?’
The Parrot, like many others, is aware that the sciences are not confined to just Biology, Human Biology, Physics and Chemistry.

Mathematics and Additional Mathematics were integral components. Physics and Chemistry entail competence in Maths. Maths was and is still an important requirement when seeking a job and for further studies. Only English may rank higher.

Despite this importance, a large section of students dread Maths. The thought of Maths immediately evokes scorn, fear and “long faces”. Some people, maybe many, just hate to compute. Some just can’t.

This is evident in examination results and the way some people perform when given a job opportunity.

The Maths deficiency is difficult to conceal. Even some in the media who have big fancy titles and plenty experience years, have serious Maths Deficiency Syndrome (MDS).

Some are so deficient that, in their interaction with basic Mathematical principles, a different syndrome surfaces; Maths Always Deficient Syndrome (MADS).

Those with MADS are easy to spot. Some may argue that the MADS is deliberate as in the case of some mini-bus conductors who don’t give change despite the note tendered being higher than the fare and some vendors with similar disposition. I know at least one local Editor-in-Chief who got MADS.

Uncle Adam from the Waterfall paper has shown signs of acute MADS. Now, Uncle Adam we all know is a nice chap. But being nice doesn’t prevent one from having the MADS.

In Uncle Adam’s case, the evidence of his MADS is clear as reflected in an article captioned “AG to examine PC security contract-$1M per month but guards get below minimum wage”.

Long caption. Big headline on the front page. Details carried on page 6. AG in the article refers to the Auditor General and PC to President’s College.

The now page six article claimed that the Waterfall paper, “…understands that the institution is staffed by 15 guards at the peak of employment and each guard is paid a wage of $16,000 per fortnight, which works out to just above $100 per day, well below the stipulated minimum wage paid by the government”. If you don’t believe me, read the paper. If you ain’t got one, borrow Kwame own.

Let’s examine the basic Maths. A fortnight is 14 days. The guard gets $16,000 for 14 days. To find one day earnings, $16,000 must be divided by 14. This gives $1,142.8571, to be exact.

How did Uncle Adam get $100? Yes, $100! Was this Maths done in the Garden-of-Eden? Even then it was simple; a pair of everything; a pair meaning two. So how come this big fancy Editor-in-Chief of the Waterfall paper which boasts of having in excess of 60,000 hits online per day, can’t do simple calculation?

The Parrot recalls the famous Bud Abbot and Lou Castillo duo that divided 28 by 7 and got 13. To prove how right it is, they added 13 seven times and got 28 and multiplied 13 by 7 and got the same 28. The Parrot wonders if Adam and Bud Abbot and Lou Castillo attended the same school.

Over the last few weeks, Uncle Adam’s paper has been focusing on some government projects and questioning the sum paid.

He would put a big picture on the front page along with a million dollar sum next to it. In some cases he even showed plenty numbers which he added up to get the big million dollar sum.

According to the said paper, the million dollar sums are too much for the projects. How did he get the sum? Did he apply the same Mathematical principals (or lack thereof) as in the case of the PC guards? It seems as if he did, because the boys from the Finance place down at the end of Main Street and the contractors disputing the sum Uncle Adam got by his Maths.

It is obvious that the Maths was wrong as in the guards’ case mentioned. It is therefore not unfair to believe that if this simple Maths was wrong, then all the others Uncle Adam calculated for the projects are also wrong.

So is seems as if Uncle Adam is putting plenty wrongs in the paper. If Uncle Glenn had “marked” the paper with the guards’ salaries, Uncle Adam would have gotten a “duck-egg”; zero; 0.

It’s obvious that Uncle Glenn didn’t mark the paper because it passed; passed through the press.

The Parrot wonders what would the AG now examine; Uncle Adam’s Maths or the guards’ salaries? It looks as if the AG would be examining AG; Auditor General examining Arithmetical Goriness. It looks like the AG would ensure that PC now gets PC; President’s College getting Precise Calculations.

Given this, the Parrot has found the true meaning of Uncle Adam’s initials; AH—Arithmetic Hard.

With MADS, Uncle Adam would not be an automatic contestant on Jeff Foxworthy’s popular show, “Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?”

It seems more automatic for, “Are you dumber than a 5th Grader?” Poor Uncle Adam. Maybe it’s not his fault.

His MADS could be because Bud Abbot and Lou Castillo may be the Maths instructors down at the waterfall complex. Reincarnation? You figure. Squawk! Squawk!