LAST week, I wrote about dealing with or approaching a difficult supervisor. Today, I would like to speak about the next most difficult thing at work- our co-workers. While some of us have amazing co-workers who brighten our day and push our productivity, it is very difficult to see the same people every single day. Some of your co-workers may have difficult behaviours, or it may just be a personality clash. Either way, it is common and very challenging. While it would be nice to, you do not have to like a co-worker, and they do not have to like you; there should absolutely be mutual respect at minimum.
There are many types of difficult people. Some talk incessantly, never listen, fail to keep up with work that you have to pick up the slack on, gossip, lie to get ahead and 100 other things that can make our work life difficult. In most cases, these are people competing against you, so the relationship can become problematic.

Some co-workers do not like their jobs, the people around them and so they wallow in bitterness and negativity that can bring down the mood of an entire office. For those of you who are the difficult people, as a Human Resources Director I can tell you that education and experience won’t matter if you cannot work with others; that makes you more of a liability than an asset.
While there are many types of difficult people and an even longer list of difficult behaviour, there is only one solution- the issue needs to be addressed- in one way or another. Unaddressed conflict never gets better. It simmers below and then erupts once it’s been a difficult day.
Just the same as learning to get along with a supervisor, ensuring a good relationship with co-workers guarantees a personal development in conflict resolution, emotional management, and a large amount of patience.
My advice on a way forward begins the way as it did for your supervisor. Self-awareness and reflection always come before blame. First, is it something that you are doing to cause an issue in the relationship, as it usually takes two to have a negative relationship. Secondly, attempt to see things from their perspective and point of view. Understanding (if you are able to find out) what is happening in their lives and why they behave the way they do, would help you to feel empathy rather than anger or sadness if they do lash out.

An important thing I’ve learned from an office environment is that even though it may be clear to you (and even others), it is entirely possible that a co-worker is unaware of the effects they have on people. Some do not see offence in certain things, are not self-aware or do things based on a society’s culture that many think are okay. This means, be pleasant when you decide to confront them. You may get an admission and even an apology – which you probably wouldn’t have if you approached them in an aggressive way.
Build a physical and in-person rapport. This would not apply to everyone, but since covid, work has become an almost mechanical process with all the phone calls, emails, video calls etc. Re-install the human touch,
Use the appropriate As of stress management – which will change greatly depending on the work situation or environment- but they can be applied to any situation.
There is Avoidance – you can do this when you know your own triggers. When you have identified what particular behaviours you do not like, you can quickly remove yourself from the situation. Then, redirect your anger and extra energy. There is Altering. How can you change your interaction with this person? Can you have lunch at a different time? Can you sit far away from them in meetings/ gatherings? Can you limit your interaction with them in general?
There is Adaptation. If you have done everything possible, how can you work with this person going forward? What are personal boundaries that you are setting in place to continue to work in a way that does not negatively affect you?

If you are approaching them, remember to be specific; give examples of what you mean. Use “I” rather than “you” language as this is about the behaviour and not the person. Do not let it get personal.
Some examples:
“I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me that way.” vs “You always say the wrong things.”
“I find that -this specific behaviour- makes it difficult for me to focus.” vs “The way you act is irritating.”

Avoid exaggerating such as using the words “always” and “never,” as these just result in the individual becoming defensive. Avoid making decisions for them such as saying, “I’m not sure why I’m bothering as you will never change this behaviour,” because you do not know what someone is willing or capable of doing. Avoid labels such as calling them “annoying” or “distracting” as these are the behaviours they may be showing, not them as individuals (hopefully!)

Be prepared to take criticism in return and react the way you would like them to.

If you have exhausted all your options, then it’s time to report it. This is only helpful if it is done in confidence and most importantly to the right person. Is there a supervisor you can speak to? Discussing this with other co-workers will only not be helpful and solution-oriented. Always appear to be neutral. What helps, in this case, is not to discuss with your supervisor as though it’s a personal matter, but rather as one that is affecting other people’s work and, therefore, their business. Talk about how the behaviour is affecting others’ motivation, productivity, and willingness – it will grab their attention faster. Keep in mind, if you make it personal, you may come off as the person who is the problem and may have a difficult time working with others.
If you are not the only person who feels this way, bring in others who do-it will solidify your point and request and almost ensures that something gets done.

Thank you for reading and please continue to send all topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com