A READER reached out to me and explained that while he loves his job, his passion for it is declining as he has a very difficult boss. Unfortunately, there are many different types of leaders and management styles, and they can and do affect our ability to be passionate and productive or our desire to even go in to work. I’m going to discuss ways to deal with this challenge, get through the days, and some tips on how to respectfully approach your supervisor and incite change. It is important and needed, as I believe we have all had to deal with a difficult boss at one point within our work life. It is also unfortunately tolerated and even acceptable in some work environments to yell and curse at employees.

For those of you who deal with a very difficult or cruel boss and there is no luxury to quit, let’s get right into what can be done.
First, it is important to find a way to be able to work with a difficult supervisor. In many cases, the employee/employer relationship is the single most important relationship within the workplace and if that is a hostile one, it can negatively impact every aspect of your work life. It is a common saying – when you learn that someone’s actions typically have little to do with you, you learn grace. This is a life lesson in every situation- for both personal and professional relationships. While your employer’s personal life is irrelevant to you, their professional motivations are not. Your employer can be under a great deal of pressure and stress- whether it is that they answer to someone else or they pay the overhead, there is a difference between responsibility and accountability. While you may be responsible for getting the job done, your boss is accountable to ensure the business gets it done. That pressure almost ensures the same pressure on others – and unfortunately, supervisors may not always handle that pressure healthily.

Analyze your own role in the problem as well- is it something you’re doing? Are you not willing to learn or taking constructive criticism badly? Self-reflection and assessment are always needed before blaming someone else. If the problem does not lie with you, my first piece of advice is to try and see things from your supervisor’s perspective; why they may behave the way they do. This means showing empathy – as challenging as that may sometimes be.

Anticipate expectations. Humans are creatures of habit and after a while, you will be able to become well-acquainted with your supervisor’s preferences and expectations. Once you know this, you can meet them. If you can do this and help them out when you accurately perceive to be needed, you can decrease their tension. More so, if you show this initiative, you are less likely to be micromanaged which will aid your own employee satisfaction as it gives you the freedom to venture into different departments or specialities.

This also means knowing their triggers. Yes, even though someone may be difficult, you need to work at making things easier. If you know they get upset at certain things, try your best to avoid them. It could be something as simple as putting items in the wrong place or making spelling mistakes in an email- double-check always. If you are new and do not know this yet ask co-workers for guidance. You become an asset and an ally when you take responsibility when necessary or not. Are you doing everything that’s required of you? Are you making the most of the opportunity given? Sometimes, you can fix friction by asking for education- whether you believe you need it or not. Ask your employer for a meeting to do an employee evaluation on how to be better. They will see this as a great initiative and less stress for them.

If you need to approach your supervisor on their behaviour- that’s okay and possible. There is a way to be constructive and a way to be aggressive. Choose your words, time, and environment carefully. You do not have to be disrespectful to get your thoughts across in an effective manner. Study and understand their communication style as there are many. Some people find it easier, more respectful, or just more effective to communicate in person, on the phone or via email. Respect the one they prefer and will perceive the information in a way that may incite change.

Be specific in what you are saying – with employers- they like to be results and success-oriented. They typically do not want to hear about problems unless you’re offering solutions at the same time. Keep it professional rather than personal. You cannot make this about the person as the majority of the time, you cannot change who you work with but make no mistake, you can change people’s behaviours if you approach it in the right way. Approach them in a way that aims towards the company’s goals. There is a smart way to voice your concerns and issues indirectly. This can vary from situation to situation, but as an example, you can ask strategic questions that will enforce self- evaluation. For example, if your boss is too vague, you can ask “what results are you best anticipating”? If they are too broad and demand too much from you- “did you mean to say…”

Show appreciation. Whether you would like to admit it or not, an employer took a chance on you, they are trusting you to do a job that they are accountable for, they are training you- a thank you for the opportunity goes a long way.

Stay away from office gossip. While some of us do have genuine friends at work, these are your co-workers and not your friends. Many people want to advance and will use any negative thing you say to do so. If you want to vent about your boss, do not do this in the workplace.

Do not let it affect your work. No matter how difficult your employer is or even how difficult they make the job, your career is the one at stake. Do what’s expected anyway- it will be noticed. Treat this as a learning experience. Whether you believe it or not, this situation is teaching you how to constructively deal with difficult people and that’s a life-long skill as it teaches you an unlimited amount of patience.
If it’s the worst-case scenario and your boss has no hope, focus on yourself only. It may seem obvious, but if you have noticed, others will too and it’s only a matter of time until their failure shines as the same time your work does.

Absorb as much knowledge as possible. If this is not a permanent job or in your long-term plan, it is still teaching you something that will build your resume to help you get where you want.
In extremely abusive situations, I always advise leaving, as it is not good for your professional or personal life. However, I know that is not possible in many situations. If you need to leave, start interviewing at other places, have options lined up.

If you are going to approach your boss because you can’t leave but cannot take it anymore, rehearse it first. Make sure you are using all the constructive tools outlined above.
Now some might ask, why is it even important to confront a difficult boss? it can reduce work stress while increasing job satisfaction, relationships within the company, motivation, productivity, and increase your chances at advancing within the workplace.

Thank you for reading and please continue to send all suggested topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com