–for the ‘Jubilee celebrations’

By Francis Quamina Farrier
SO, you’ll be hosting a guest or two from the Diaspora; people coming home for Guyana’s 50th Independence Anniversary Jubilee Celebrations.

Good for you! Good for your guest(s)! Take it from me, it won’t be easy for you or for your guest(s), if you do not have patience and display your best Guyanese personality.
Your guest will be coming with high expectations; and you, on the other hand, will be expecting a lot from your guest(s).
However, make sure that the two expectations are not like two powerful clashing winds which cause terrible, frightening claps of THUNDER.
Make sure that you show them the kind of hospitality for which Guyanese have been known for, over the decades and centuries. Be a good host. In fact, be a great host.

ASK FIRST
My first advice to you with regards to your “guest from foreign”, is that you DO NOT impose YOUR itinerary on them. Find out from them what THEY would like to do; where THEY would like to go; and who THEY would like to meet.
They may have some suggestions, and you may also have some suggestions. But let the final decision be THEIRS.
Many Guyanese who have been “ENJOYING THE GOOD LIFE IN FOREIGN” worked very hard for what they have achieved. So, their return to the Land of their Birth at this time is like a sacred, once-in-a-lifetime “Pilgrimage to Mecca”.
For them, especially those in the 60-plus age group will even shed some tears of joy when their feet first touch the precious soil of Guyana. Please DO NOT say to them, “Eh-eh! Is wha wrong wid you?” Please DO NOT. Please understand that theirs will be emotional tears of joy; the joy of being back in their native land at this very special time in the history of our country. This is the land where their navel strings are buried. So, let their tears flow like the Kaieteur Falls during the rainy season. Do not call your guest a “cry-baby”, or make any other negative comments. It would be better for you, and for your guest, for that matter, if you take some candid photographs with your expensive Iphone, and record for posterity that beautiful, tearful moment. Your guest will forever thank you for recording that “One Moment in Time”, when they cried while in Guyana for the 50th Independence Anniversary Jubilee Year.

SHOW ‘EM HOW
Show off how Guyanese here at home are up-to-the-minute with the modern trends. Almost all of us here in Guyana have smartphones. Some of us bought ours, while some of us ‘t’ief’ the smartphone we have. I have to let you know that, back in January this year, someone stole my very expensive iPhone, which had many irreplaceable recorded images stored in it; including a photo with President David Granger and myself. I am still a little angry with myself for allowing myself to be such an easy prey for that brazen thief. There are at times, that unguarded moment, when unfortunate things happen. Let your guest be on their guard at all times. And you, too, must be on your guard at all times. The petty thieves will be looking for every opportunity to strike.

DON’T BE RUDE
And, my fellow Guyanese here at home, please DO NOT ask your visiting guests, “Suh, is wuh yuh bring fuh meh?”as soon as you give them that welcoming hug. That would be very rude and a total turn-off.
With such a crass welcome, visiting ‘Fambly’ or ‘Frien’ will do everything within their power to stay away from you for the duration of their stay in the land that gave them birth. Please be sensitive. Most of those people who will be visiting worked very hard while “up in foreign”.
They were getting up early on very cold winter mornings before they saw the sun, which rises at around 08:00hrs during the winter months. They got into very cold cars or buses or trains to go to work. I have seen it on my visits to North America and England during the winter months, and I can tell you, it’s not easy. Those places are very, very cold. No joke, countryman! When you speak while outdoors, the warm air of your breath makes a little fog. Yes, my Guyanese sisters and brothers who have never gone “up north” during wintertime. As you speak, is suh de breath from yuh mouth mekkin’ fog right in front yuh face. And as my dear departed friend, Godfrey Chin, used to say, “Yuh t’ink it easy?”

LEAVE THEM ALONE!
Now, here is a particular piece of advice for you at-home Guyanese, regards visiting couples. If you see couples walking around in GT public spaces holding hands, please refrain from staring at them; whether they are Man-and-Wife; Boyfriend and Girlfriend; Girlfriend and Girlfriend; or Boyfriend and Boyfriend, PLEASE DO NOT STARE at them. Leave them alone! Be civil; show some class. People in most places in the Diaspora are free to hold hands with whomsoever they so desire. So, consider it NO DAMN BUSINESS OF YOURS to pontificate and condemn. Leave that to “Pastor What’s-his-Name”. Consider how some couples here in Guyana have not been holding hands, but instead have been chopping off hands and other parts of the bodies of those whom they claim to have loved.
Another thing: Let your hugs be considerate. Some of the visitors from the Diaspora who are age 60 years and over might be suffering from arthritis; so, hug them every gently. And please refrain from engaging in long and lingering hugs; except if that person is an old-time boyfriend or girlfriend. Please be advised to keep the hug platonic if either of you is now married.
However, if you are both single at this time, then you can hug and rub like two sticks from the caveman era, and reignite that old flame. Let your long-simmering love blaze again. Go for it! Celebrate the Jubilee as well as your personal romantic reunion. Best of luck! Who knows! Captain Gerry might even give you an all-expenses-paid wedding reception, on the house, at Duke Lodge.

FOR THE BRAGGADOCIOS
Now, you might have a guest who wants to show off, and bring to bear a superiority complex on you. Please be patient. They will, and most likely in a loud voice, let you know how they live in a six-bedroom mansion with a swimming pool in the suburbs “in foreign”; and how they also own a fleet of expensive cars: A Porsche, a Mercedes-Benz, a Jaguar, a Ferrari, as well as a Mustang. Then, after a brief pause, they may add, “And a Harley Davidson motorcycle.”
Don’t argue; keep quiet. At a convenient time, take them for a spin into Pradoville 2, and ask them what they see. Make sure that you show them the mansion in which GUYANA’S HIGHEST PAID PENSIONER resides. That building should be one of Guyana’s main tourist attractions.
For nostalgia, you may want to take your guest, if they are from America, to see the now-deserted building on Main Street which once housed the Embassy of the United States of America so many years ago, and where they were probably issued with their first visas, and without ever having to stand in a long line.
That old, derelict building should also be a tourist attraction during the “Jubilee celebrations”.
On the opposite side of Main Street, you can show them the new-look Sacred Heart Church which has replaced the iconic wooden structure which was gutted some years ago.

DOWN MEMORY LANE
My sincere hope is that you are one of the many lucky hosts who have a very considerate guest. That guest will sit and share with you all the great experiences they had before leaving Guyana. They will tell you of their very dedicated and loving teachers; and how life was slow and oh so mellow back in those long-gone days of innocence.
They will tell you of swimming in a countryside canal, a hinterland creek, or the Luckhoo Swimming Pool in Georgetown. With a trance-like expression on their face, they will recall bosses who were kind and helpful. They will ask you about their schoolfriends; of their first boyfriend or first girlfriend; of that first kiss which Dave Martins sings about, which made them feel like their head fell off. They may ask you where that “First Love” can be found. Please plead ignorance, especially if your guest has a wife or husband.
Your guest may also tell you how they rode the train which travelled from Rosignol to Georgetown, or from Parika to Vreed-en-Hoop; and how they are so sad that only the “line-top” remains.
Some will tell you about their daily crossings of the Demerara River from Vreed-en-Hoop to Georgetown to go to school or to work. They will ask you about the Demerara River ferryboat, the MV Queriman.
Avoid making your guest sad by telling them that the T&HD (Transport and Harbours Department) ferryboat, the MV Queriman, is now beached up at Ampa Bay on the Essequibo River, just a few miles north of Bartica, with shrubs growing out of it.
Just tell a little “white lie”, and say that you really don’t know. Instead, invite them to view the beautiful little replica of that ferryboat at the National Museum on North Road in Georgetown, opposite the General Post Office. It was the responsibility of the T&HD to ensure that those retired ferryboats were maintained as tourist attractions. Unfortunately, the T&HD never had any such vision.

As your guest happily rambles on, continue to be patient; listen as though that guest and you are the only persons marooned on one of the many small islands in the middle of the Mighty Essequibo River, with no modern gadget to interrupt you.
There is that saying which Judge Judy likes to use quite a lot, “God gave us two ears and one mouth”. Suh, shut yuh one mouth, and open yuh two ears and listen with intent to your guest as they recall “The Good Old Days”, growing up in colonial British Guiana when the “White Man” was in charge; British Guiana, the land that gave them birth.
“Those were the days!” your guest would likely say with a happy sigh. “Yes! The days when Bookers ruled the roost, and not the drug lords!”

THE GOOD OLD DAYS
Back in the day, we had the colonial masters giving us a little hell, but also a little heaven: A good education, for example. Those were the days when laws and rules had to be followed, and no one escaped justice because they had connections in high places, or lots of money to bribe the police.
In fact, in those colonial days, the police would lock you up if you dared offer them a bribe.
Now, let me tell you: Many of those who migrated in the 1980s, the 1970s and even as early as the 1960s still know every word of Guyana’s National Anthem; they also still know every word of Guyana’s National Pledge. So if you are somewhat uncertain of yourself now, let me advise you to do yourself a favour and ‘box-up’ on those words. It might also be a good thing for you to polish up your knowledge of the lyrics of Hilton Hemerding’s “Beautiful Guyana”, and Dave Martins’ “Not a Blade of Grass”, since, at some point in time, you might hear your guest burst out singing those two popular patriotic Guyanese songs.
Then you may also notice your guest looking at, and listening to, the parrots, the kiskadees, the blue sackies and the many other Guyanese birds flying by and singing their tropical songs. Do compliment your guest, and let them know how happy you are that they are back home, enjoying all the wonderful sights and sounds and tastes, like home fruits and dishes. And if you notice your guest peeling a banana from the tip, as the Americans do, instead of from the stem as we Guyanese in Guyana do, you may be tempted to laugh; but do so only on the inside, and suppress your amusement.

BEWARE THE AMERICANISMS
The way Americans peel a banana is something which many of the returning visitors will bring with them, including those so much over-used words. “Like”, and “basically” are the principal ones. In America, if a sentence has five words, the two words, “like” and “basically” will most likely feature somewhere in that sentence.
It is disgusting and annoying, even to some Americans; that includes American TV’s Judge Judy. Those two words seem to provide oxygen to millions of Americans, as well as some USA-based Guyanese.
So, if your guest uses those two words over and over again, then my recommendation is that you take them into a corner and whisper gently into their ear:
“You know, basically, I do not basically, like, appreciate “like” you know; basically, like using those two “like” words, which, basically, are, like, over-used. And, basically, “like” is like, basically, very annoying to me.”
Your guest may respond by saying, “Well, basically, I was like basically didn’t realise, like, I was basically using those two words, like so often.” Smile pleasantly and say, “Basically, I like that.”
While still in Guyana, your guest may see quite a number of young men wearing their pants on the ground; that African-American sub-culture, which is now very much a part of the Guyanese sub-culture. It is like, basically (ooops!) popular with quite a number of Guyanese young men, and not only those of African heritage.

BE A GOOD HOST
So, I plead with you, my fellow at-home Guyanese, be as good a host or hostess of your guest as you possibly can. You will most likely be remembered fondly when they return to “foreign”. Treat your guest in a similar manner as you would like to be treated if and when you are visiting them “in foreign”. Display the famous Guyanese Hospitality as best your time and financial resources can afford. Flash that sweet Guyanese smile as often as possible. It costs nothing for you to give, yet it is priceless. If you are a good host(ess), you may benefit in the long-term. For when your guest returns to “foreign”, they may very well start to pack a barrel, or even barrels, packed full of goodies to send to you for Christmas.
However, whatever you do for your guest must not be done with such ulterior motives; do it just for the love of doing good.
So, enjoy the 50th Independence Anniversary Jubilee Celebrations with your guest(s) visiting “from foreign”.

And remember: Every day is special in our lives; some more special than others. Every year is also special; some more special than others.
This “Jubilee” year is special; one in which you can make your “guest from foreign” leave with so many pleasant memories, especially for being your guest. Do your very best to make those memories happy ones, for your guest and for yourself.
And I hope that you will have lots and lots of ‘selfies’ to share with ‘Fambly’ and ‘Frens’, both here in Guyana and in the Diaspora as well. You have the technology to do that; bought or stolen. So, enjoy your hosting of your “guest from foreign” for Jubilee.