Last June I started dating a woman I knew as a friend for five years. She met my Relationship Advice – This Week’s Columnfamily and my two grown kids, and they all love her. We are so happy and in love, and are getting married this June. The issue is that her two boys, 15 and 16, will not meet me or attend our wedding. When I’m in my fiancée’s city, they will not even see their mom until I am gone. They currently reside with their dad. He and my fiancée divorced a dozen years ago due to his infidelity. He and that woman had a baby from the affair, and they currently live together with the boys.

My fiancée’s ‘ex’ has controlled her most of the time, since the divorce, through the two young men. He has poisoned their minds for his own selfish reasons, and claims he still loves my fiancée. In the past, he has stalked her, identified the person she is interested in, and caused the relationship to fail.

In my case, he is frustrated because I reside a thousand miles away, and my fiancée is on to his nonsense and resisting the manipulation. Since he has been unsuccessful in damaging our relationship, he is using the boys, knowing that is the umbilical cord to my fiancée’s heart.

The boys have never met me, yet hate me because of their loyalty to their father. They stated to their mom that I broke up any future chance for their father and her reuniting. They state they are upset I didn’t ask them for her hand in marriage, even though they will not meet me.

What do I do? I’ve been told I should write my feelings to them in a letter and send it to another location to prevent their father from reading it. But my heart tells me to stay out of it and let my fiancée handle things.