THE word relapse carries a strong negative connotation. Many argue that it should now be referred to as reoccurrence due to its commonality and its role in progress and learning. It is often, understandably, viewed as a failure, but actual progress and meaningful growth are impossible without occasional setbacks.

Today, we reach the final stage of making intentional change: Relapse. We have covered the first five stages of intentional change, and by now, these changes should feel easier. However, where there is change, there are setbacks. They can occur soon after progress begins or many years later; they may happen once or countless times.

When we decide to change and take progressive steps forward, it can be disappointing when old thoughts and behaviours resurface. Do not be discouraged by temptations, cravings, or urges; they are an inevitable part of life. A setback is simply an opportunity to reflect on our efforts, commitment, discouragement, and all other experiences that build resilience and wisdom. It is an opportunity for self-awareness, humility, and compassion, reminding us that clarity and confusion are both natural parts of the journey.

We are meant to go through these rollercoaster cycles. The cliché “you can’t have the highs without the lows” is well known for a reason. You won’t understand motivation without experiencing unproductivity; you won’t appreciate enthusiasm without feeling indifference, and you cannot truly know success without having faced failure.

While we should not fear our setbacks, we should not encourage them either. There are preventative measures that can reduce the likelihood of relapse.
Be aware of your emotional states that act as triggers. One can only be prepared to the extent of their awareness. Ask yourself: Are you more likely to have setbacks when feeling sad? Angry? Understanding these emotional triggers allows for better preparation and relapse prevention.

Focus on creating new habits instead of eliminating old ones. A simple mindset shift can make all the difference. When new habits are introduced, old ones naturally dissolve over time. For example, if you want to replace your daily snack of cookies with apples, it may seem difficult to resist the cookies. However, if you focus on introducing apples rather than removing cookies, your mindset shifts. Additionally, replacing old habits with new ones is crucial—elimination without substitution often creates a void that makes relapse more likely.

Recognise the deeper purpose of bad habits. A single habit can serve multiple functions. If your afternoon cookie is both a snack and a source of emotional comfort, replacing it with an apple may satisfy hunger but not the comfort aspect. This can lead to relapse. If we don’t address the underlying purpose of our bad habits, healthier alternatives will struggle to take root. Instead of simply judging or rejecting your bad habits, ask yourself: What need does this habit fulfil? If there is an urge to revert, it may indicate an overlooked need.

If you fall back into bad habits, always keep the new habits going. For example, if you have decided to replace social media scrolling with reading a book and fall back into scrolling, keep up the reading as you are still strengthening the new habit, which you will return to, and not from zero. Keeping up the reading will ensure that if you must ‘start over’, you will do so at 30%, and the next time will be 40%, the time after that 50% until the old habit falls short and the new habit becomes ingrained.

Never make the mistake of minimising the impact of the behaviour, even once. If you are trying to lower substances and you know that cigarettes cause you to crave alcohol, thinking “one won’t hurt” can be detrimental. Self-awareness of impact is crucial to avoiding reoccurrences.

When we fall back into bad habits, we also tend to fall into negative thought patterns, trapping us in a negative loop. Be careful with negative thought processes and self-labels. You aren’t weak or lazy if you aren’t able to achieve it all the way you want.

Replace feelings of shame and guilt with curiosity. There is zero advantage to feeling bad about yourself, but there is pure benefit in questioning why it happened.

If you have fallen into old patterns, the most important thing is to reframe it. It’s not a failure; it’s a learning opportunity on what triggers are strongest and which coping strategies are weakest. Always be kind to the unkindest parts and views of yourself. The fact that there is even an attempt at self-improvement means you have self-worth. It takes anywhere between 40 to 60 days to form new habits; you must be patient when becoming something you weren’t before.