I WAS speaking to some community leaders recently who were educating me on the surprisingly high rates of teenage pregnancy within multiple regions of Guyana.
These regions are not easily accessible, just like their health care options. I was asked to write three segments on the topic- the first directly to the pregnant teen, the second to the parents on how best to receive this information and offer support and the third on tips for teenagers on ways to raise children while maintaining good mental health. This is mainly because most of these girls cannot terminate pregnancies due to either lack of health-care options or religious reasons.

I would like to first mention a few important things. First, this is for unplanned teenage pregnancies, which would have happened in the legal sense. If your situation involves sexual abuse in any way, I strongly recommend seeking judicial support. Second, this article serves no agenda, opinion or advice on which option to choose. That is the basic human right of the mother only.

Undoubtedly, an unwanted pregnancy is a very difficult thing to deal with, let alone being a teenager while it happens. This further complicates the already confusing physical and mental changes of adolescence. It is extremely difficult to even think about taking care of someone else when you are only now establishing and excited about your own independence; it’s scary to think of moulding another human being when you are just now creating your own identity. Everyone experiences different emotions, but this situation will elicit a wide range and spectrum of emotions, from excitement to anger to extreme fear. These are normal and even healthy; what is not healthy or beneficial is denial.

As a young person, finding out you may become a parent is overwhelming as there are lots to do- tell your partner, parents and, most importantly, make the best decision for you.
First, if you are pregnant and it is an option, the best thing to do is see a doctor right away- whether you intend on giving birth or not. This is to discuss all possible options and to ensure you are in optimal health for all of them. If you are pregnant, there are three options. You can choose to give birth and parent the child, give birth and choose adoption or terminate the pregnancy altogether. It is a very difficult decision and one that I hope you have the right support in making or, if you are a parent, providing the right support.

I cannot provide much advice on the decision-making process as that is an extremely individualised matter. Your choice will depend on so many different things. I can only say that your mental and physical health should always be considered a priority during this stage.

What I can do is aid in the difficult parts, such as telling your partner and parents and aid in preparing for what’s to come with either option you choose. It would be an ideal situation if you already knew what you wanted to do before speaking to anyone else. This way, you can explain your feelings and choice and ask for support. However, being a teenager means confusion and help required, so it is okay if you do not know right away which option is best for you.

Let’s begin with telling your partner. He should be a teenager too and will have similar fears that you do. I know some do not choose this option if they know they would like to terminate the pregnancy. I believe that is okay, too, but if you decide to share this information, do so calmy and rationally in a safe and comfortable space for you both. No one person is to blame here as this was a mutually irresponsible act. You may not get the reaction you want or need, as everyone needs time to adjust to potentially life-changing news.

The same goes for telling your parents/guardians. I hate that I even have to say this, but it is too common in Guyana, not to mention, there are abusive parents, and many will be afraid to disclose. If this is the case, that sharing this information may be a risk to your safety, it is advised to have another trusted adult present. This can be anyone – another family member, teacher, priest or religious leader- who makes you feel comfortable and safe.

The best way is to be open and honest about how it happened, who with, how you feel, and what support you require. Just start speaking and answer any questions you believe they may have before they have to ask. The average parent will feel scared and upset and you must let them take space to process the information and calm down. Please see next week’s column for the parent on how best to cope.

If you choose to go through with the pregnancy and raise the child, as I mentioned above, I will be writing about that in a few weeks.
If you are not physically, mentally, emotionally or financially ready to raise a child and you have decided that adoption or abortion is better, that is okay too; I would just like to tell you a few things to expect. There will always be an important difference between opinions and fact and facts are the only thing worth sharing here.

Anger, guilt, fear of regret are normal emotions if you decide on adoption. Many fears arise: that the child will not be taken care of, they will grow up hating you and the list goes on. Many people have a negative view of this saying, “you’re giving up your child.” However, you are not giving up a person, you are making an incredibly difficult decision on choosing a better life for them and yourself; it’s not giving up, its giving life to you both. It will absolutely come with negative emotions, but if you believe you made the right decision and get some counselling, you should be proud of that.

Abortion also comes with many emotions; you can feel fear, relief, guilt, sadness and empowered all at once; this is normal. It is important to understand that while a decision may be right for you, you will still feel sad about it. Don’t confuse sad with bad. Seek help from the appropriate person based on your fears. For example, if its medical, see a doctor; if religious, see a religious leader.

If you have made a decision and you worry about regret, a helpful activity is to write a letter to yourself explaining why you made the decision you did and why you felt it so important; this will aid with any feelings of regret in the future.

With any decision you make, I strongly advise that you talk to someone you trust and someone who cares enough to speak to you and allow you to make this decision with guidance rather than pressure.
Whichever decision you make, I hope you believe that you can still pursue any dream or achieve any goal you want; it may just take a little longer and could be a little harder, but the best things always are.
Thank you for reading and please continue to send suggested topics to caitlinvieira@gmail.com