A FATHER’S presence in his child’s life is just as significant as the mother’s — although most people believe the contrary.

It is true that the mother carries the baby for nine months and delivers the infant whether the father is present or not.

Therefore, the bond between child and mother, for the most part, is inevitable. But fathers also feel deeply connected to their children; they have the right to nurture and care equally for them.

Unfortunately, more children grow up without fathers than mothers and there are various stories as to the reason. Many delinquent adolescents come from fatherless families or backgrounds where their fathers have played no meaningful role in their lives.

Being a father means more than fathering a child. Most children over 13 can make a baby. Fatherhood calls for a sense of responsibility and an understanding of a father’s role in their child’s development.

There is a reason why children have two parents. In bygone times, men were hunters, protectors and providers for their families, while women stayed home to nurture and care for their brood.

Their roles, while different, are equally important for family survival. Over the years, more women have gone out to work, and some men, at least, have adopted a caring and more supportive stance towards children.

Nevertheless, fathers and mothers still play distinct roles in their children’s lives. Mothers can tell sons how to be a man from their perspective. They can suggest how their boys should think and feel.

They can be loving, considerate and strict, while teaching their sons impeccable manners. But only a man can show a boy how to be a man – his countenance, voice, manner, and the interest he pays to his children are priceless.

Regardless of how well a mother raises her children, she cannot compensate for a dutiful father’s guidance, presence and input.

Many children grow up without experiencing a father’s love, devotion, care and attention.

Sometimes, this is due to the ignorance, pain and hurt that parents feel towards each other. Sometimes, a hopeless breakdown in communication is the cause. It may seem to both parents that the child is doing fine despite their estrangement, but this is not so; the child is missing out.

Why are children punished for their parents’ shortcomings and misgivings?

Children are resilient. They adapt to each situation that confronts them. They are children; they have no choice. This does not make the hostile conditions that parents create ethical or mean that children are not affected.

Although they may seem alright, children tolerate their parents’ whims and fancies, and in the process, many live without fathers.

People often say you can’t miss what you have never had, meaning those raised without fathers do not need one.

But many children, and adults who grew up without (biological) fathers, would still like to know them, see them, and talk to them.

Unless grown-ups portray a negative picture during childhood and only a warped view of their father is left, most people want to know their father.

Another myth is ‘only sons miss absent fathers’ and daughters do not need fathers in their lives.

While it is true that mother-daughter relationships are particularly close, the fact remains that daughters do need their fathers’ inputs. Fathers are the first men that girls encounter.

They learn a lot from the ambience of a father’s presence, including his likes, dislikes, observations, and personality; and how he treats their mother and his family.

If their father is honest, fair-minded, and reliable, they may look for the same qualities in their future partner. A father’s presence would, at least, provide a ‘yard stick’ by which girls will measure or judge other men they encounter.

Boys need genuine role models. Ideally, fathers who they can look up to, trust and emulate. How often have we heard the phrase about sons following in their father’s footsteps, mainly in a positive rather than negative manner?

Most boys would love to have a father to whom they can relate , who is fun but strict when necessary, tolerant, fair, understanding and caring; however, children tend to spend more time around their mothers.

Although time spent with fathers is shorter, the quality of the interaction may be worth its weight in gold. No one should underestimate the input an emotionally connected father could give to his children.

Some fathers are present, but make little impact on their child’s upbringing or development; they are not securely attached to the child, and the feeling is mutual. The mother will do her best to rear the child, but a poor example of family life is demonstrated throughout childhood.

Many children have made it through childhood without a father. They have grown into responsible, hard-working individuals, who are sincere, trustworthy and strong. But a father should have been (and in many cases could have been) in their lives to help them reach their full potential.

Parents are coping and children are surviving. Parents work hard and do their best to make ends meet. But the fact remains that it takes two people to make a child because both have a role to play in the child’s life. When a child grows up without a dedicated father, the child loses out in the long run.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY,
MINISTRY OF HUMAN SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY